Fun With Netflix Viewer Reviews: Volume 9

It’s time yet again for the article that’s easy for me and fun for you- Fun with Netflix Viewer Reviews! Here’s volume seven of people writing really funny Netflix viewer reviews. These are presented completely unedited. Even when you think I might have edited something in or out of the copy, I assure you that I have not.As always, understand that I don’t always disagree with the negativity surrounding some of these movies, but there’s always at least one thing in these reviews that I find amusing.

Who’s Harry Crumb? (1989)
There are 2 types of people in this world: those who have seen Harry Crumb, and those who have not. I laughed myself silly throughout this 90 minute romp, with highlights from dopey ‘Tim’ and other bit characters. Mr. Candy is at his best.

Editor’s Note: Can’t you say that about anything? “There are two types of people in this world- people who have pooped on a goat, and those who have not.”

Christmas Unwrapped: The History of Christmas (2005)
Had this long wait in queue then saw it on the History Channel. Seems like more of an attack on Christianity than an unwrapping of Xmas. Too religious, too biased and no mention of the origin of Santa. Avoid at all costs.

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“I don’t know what the hell that reviewer is trying to say.”

Look Who’s Talking (1989)
Well,… per the film’s title…, I was, shall I say, entreated to ‘look at who was talking’…. To my dismay, the thing that was doing the talking was none other than the flatlining star of the ever popular Die Hard series: Bruce Willis. I’m sorry, but the semantically cogent offerings from squirming barritone newborns who preternaturally pretend at the King’s English leave me cold for some inexplicble reason. Plus, as innocent and prescient is the need for Mr. Die Hard to be presented a fresh diaper every 2 hours, the average american moviegoer would be hard pressed to “do his duty”

Grumpy Old Men (1993)
I liked this years ago, when I saw it in the dentist’s chair during a long procedure. But this time I got bored quick. Ann-Margret, although lovely, seemed like just a plot device. Snore.

Ghost Rider (2007)
i loved this movie when i saw it and i thought it was a little bit scary and but then i got used too watching it and it wasn’t that scary at first. and it got better

20121112191404!Inglourious-Basterds-NeinInglourious Basterds (2009)
BOOOOOORRRRRRRING!!!!!!!! The first 45 minutes are AWESOME. Then after that it’s just subtitled talking for like 2 hours and you barely see The inglorious basterds, You know the guys in the title and cover!!!!!!!!!!! And the story sucks! WTF? that’s how you kill hitler, really, really, really, really, really?????

Editor’s Note: It was almost impossible to choose only one review for Inglourious Basterds. There are a ton of hilarious ones, complaining about subtitles, violence, historical inaccuracies… It’s a treasure trove. If you get a chance, mosey on over to Netflix and check out the reviews.

Doggy Poo (2004)
this movie is about a pile of DOGGY POOOOO, and it is just as good. poop poop poop pooppoop poop poop pooppoop poop poop pooppoop poop poop pooppoop poop poop pooppoop poop poop pooppoop poop poop pooppoop poop poop poop

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
EVERYONE loves this. if you hate it you should be shot and sent to live in Alaska in your jammies. I laugh,I cry, I do “Mary,Mary~ don’t you remember me Mary” impersonations til mid-Jan at least.

Hugo (2011)
This movie may as well called Artificial Intelligence Part Two, as it is Haley Joel Osment’s brunette twin crying all movie because his Jude Law Robo-dad died.

Elf-will-ferrell-1747168-800-450Elf (2003)
this movie is so cute and will farrell just went far and beonyd in this being his fist famliy movie and only is sencond movie outside of SNL james cann did a good job as well with being the sright man to well and than habeing a heart in the end they did such a good job mixing movies from our childhoods and the new jon favfeau did a great job dricting great mucis a classic new your chrismas story your famlily well love so sweet so many laugh out moments you just cant help but love will this made him the movie start he is today

White Christmas (1954)
The hap hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f*cking-K.

Desperately Seeking Santa (2011)
I did really enjoy seeing Sexy Santa. I enjoyed the sappy lovey doveyness of it all. And, yes I know it’s suppose to be a romantic comedy. But, really she wasn’t being a selfish person as her friend described her to be, because she wanted to better herself. It is people whom have the thicker and tougher skin that keeps a corporate running, to keep the working class working. Instead she was trying to help keep there jobs. Another thing, in real life unless you have prove of an allegation in the corporate world that wouldn’t get anyone to keep a mall from closing and moving a building contract. Yeah this is something I do not like. Because the unfortunate thing people think like this and expect the world to operate in such a way. I feel for the story-line and understand this is a movie just to unrealistic for me.


13 Comments

Filed under Humor, Movies

13 responses to “Fun With Netflix Viewer Reviews: Volume 9

  1. These make me wonder if teaching everybody to read is such a good idea after all…

  2. The guy who met Kevin Meany

    Look, I’ll admit it….I freakin’ love Who’s Harry Crumb? A tear came from my eye when John Candy died because I knew there would never be a Who’s Harry Crumb? Part 2. Actually, I agree with one sentence of the Inglorious Basterds review…when I watched it I was a little surprised that the “inglorious basterds” did not dominate the screen time; however that did not take away my enjoyment of it. Tarantino is the mmmmaser of making classic scenes with nothing more than everyday small talk.

  3. Oh wow, that Grumpy Old Men comment is gold.

    And thanks, I just spent 30 minutes on Inglourious Basterds’ Netflix page. Hilarious.

    • Yes! Somewhere, Netflix employees are thanking me for the traffic. The Basterds stuff is almost breathtaking. It’s one review after another that completely missed the point.

  4. This is one of the greatest features I have ever seen.

    One of my favorites: “If you don’t like Captain Ron, you need to re-evaluate the way you live your life.”

  5. Wait, there were historical inaccuracies in Inglourious Basterds? So Hitler wasn’t killed in a movie theater?

    • It’s on Netflix streaming right now. I first saw a few minutes 5 years ago or so when PBS, of all places, ran it the week of Christmas. I turned it on just in time to see Santa and the kids grooming the styrofoam reindeer.

      I guess what I’m saying is that I believe in love at first sight.

  6. Now I know what goes on inside a 9-year-old’s head as they watch Ghost Rider.

    • It’s funny you say that because I’m always apprehensive about including stuff like that out of fear that a kid wrote it. It’s not right to bust on a kid.

      But if that’s an adult? Target acquired.

  7. I dunno, that Doggy Poo review makes a convincing case…

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