It’s time yet again for the article that’s easy for me and fun for you- Fun with Netflix Viewer Reviews! Here’s volume seven of people writing really funny Netflix viewer reviews. These are presented completely unedited. Even when you think I might have edited something in or out of the copy, I assure you that I have not.As always, understand that I don’t always disagree with the negativity surrounding some of these movies, but there’s always at least one thing in these reviews that I find amusing.
Who knows maybe those Domers wouldn’t have been destroyed by USC yet again. For Pete (Carroll’s) sake, even Touchdown Jesus knows this is just sappy South Bend propaganda. Next to Texas, ND is the most overrated team in college football history. The fact is, Notre Dame is only good for one thing now: helping SC crown yet another Heisman winner. I mean come on, everyone knows Frodo Baggins can’t play football. I liked him in Goonies though. By the way, that Faverau guy used to be quite the chubby bastid no? Use this only if you have trouble sleeping at night. Watching Rudy, is a lot like taking a Vallium, except cheaper. I’m still waiting for the Mack Brown epic, “How to cry your way into a BCS game.” Until then, if you want to watch a movie about football, rent “Remember the Titans” or “Friday Night Lights.”
Cries and Whispers (1972)
I felt this movies was perverse and immoral; initially it was diificult to follow. Once it approached the lesbian scene I did not continue to watch it.
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
Superman IV is good for me. Richard Donner just make this sequel to make everyone like Superman and not Batman.I meant why not go for batman but when it was 1989, people start watching Batman (1989). I Don’t Know why would everyone watch DC movies back then
White Christmas (1954)
Where else can you get the message of a Christ-less Christmas mixed in with American patriotism? In Hollywood! While not much of a religious-Righter, I can’t help but be unsettled by the absolute secularity of this “Christmas” film. More so, the patriotic tie-in to America’s role in WWII makes thisholiday classic something only an island-mentality American would love. After all, what’s Christmas without snow? Ah, those poor Christians in tropical countries! Not only aren’t they American, they also don’t have snow. Thank God that America has a monopoly on world power AND snowy, New England Christmases! Oops…forgot to mention…Bing CAN NOT sing. He has more portamento than a drunken bartender. (Is Bing short for something? Bingo? Binge?) And Rosemary is incapable of completing a phrase without including some melismatic humming. Save this one for Mystery Science Theatre 3000!
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
THIS VERSION SEEMS TO BE THE PRINT OF THE FILM WHERE THE FILM BROKE AT THE BEGINNING AND THEY DIDNT SPLICE IT, SO THERE IS NO OPENING CREDITS EXCEPT FOR THE ACTORS CREW PEOPLE ECT THE NAME OF THE FILM ISNT SEEN AT THE BEGINNING. THIS VERSION IS THE ONE RELEASED ON THIS DVD. There are 3 versions, this one only on DVD so far, one shown on a PBS UHF station in which frames were stopped still, and some cheap 80’s words were printed over the screen while the theme played on. the 3rd version, that I saw on “Cinema Insomnia” has the original theme all in tact. The name of the film is all in tact in that copy. What is going on here? READ MY REVIEW FIRST!!!
Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)
The film is an example of cheap pathetic psychology. Maybe when it was released it was something. But since then, we’ve been there, done that! The movie ends with “him” telling her that she hides the truth even from herself, that she locked herself in cage and she is afraid to get hurt. Amazingly, she realizes that that is the truth!!! She goes back to him, in the rain, they live happily ever after! Done!
The Seven Year Itch (1955)
Seventeen minutes in and this is a weird movie. The guy is driving me crazy. Like another member wrote, the guy seemes mental. Not in a funny way. I’ll go back and watch the rest becasue of the cute blond girl playing the lead.
Editor’s note: The “cute blond girl playing the lead”… you mean Marilyn freakin’ Monroe?!?!
Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders (1989)
Not nearly enough boobies to save this movie. It had some funny moments, but unless you are into beastiality, bodily fluids, or poop, it’s really not as good as the first one. The best acting job was done by the guy who played the mad scientist “Bator”. Everyone else was mediocre at best.
Sullivan’s Travels (1941)
As drama, it is just silly. As comedy, it falls flat. I couldn’t figure out what perspective the director wanted the viewer to take. I hit the eject button after 20 minutes.
Editor’s note: My favorites are always the reviews that demolish a movie for how bad it is… and then they confess at the end that they stopped watching after 10, 15, or 20 minutes.
The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)
Twilight fans and angsty Emo teens rejoice! This film is targeted at only you! This movie has the worst protagonist, an mean thankless greedy foulmouth version of peter parker who never seems to learn any life lesson during this film. This movie has the worst character design, the lizard is so cheasily designed/animated that the old godzilla flicks could compete for special effects. This movie has the worst action sequences, unoriginal repetitive pointless fight scenes that you won’t even remember. Do not watch for your own sakes!