Don’t Watch It, John! The Thanksgiving Edition: Blood Freak (1972)

Here in America, we have a four-day weekend coming up while we all eat like gluttons (more than usual) on Thanksgiving. I’ll be taking a few days off, but I have a tasty snack to tide you over during the weekend- a very special Don’t Watch It, John! about the worst movie ever made featuring turkeys- Blood Freak (1972). What is the Don’t Watch It, John! series, you ask?

The idea behind the Don’t Watch It, John! series is to find cinema that’s so rotten, so foul, so incredibly fetid that no other human being would dare recommend it to another human being. So why on earth would I watch this stuff? I like to think of myself much like Colonel Nathan Jessup in A Few Good Men. We live in a world that has horrible movies, and those horrible movies have to be kept from potential viewers. Who’s gonna do it? You? You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That someone watching Blood Freak (1972), while tragic, probably saves lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You want me on that wall, you need me on that wall, protecting you from the cinematic horrors of the world.

What is Blood Freak? The IMDb plot description:

A biker comes upon a girl with a flat tire and offers her a ride home. He winds up at a drug party with the girl’s sister, then follows her to a turkey farm owned by her father, a mad scientist. The father turns the biker into a giant turkey monster who goes after drug dealers.

Who stars in this cinematic monstrosity? Blood Freak stars nobody of note. According to the IMDb trivia section, the star of the film (Steve Hawkes) was asked about the film years later, and he referred to it as “a sad chapter in my life.”

This is what we’ll all be eating this weekend… sort of.

The Stats: Blood Freak comes in at 3.2 out of 10 amongst IMDb users. Only two Rotten Tomatoes critics have reviewed it, and both have labeled it rotten. Surprisingly, 46% of RT users who have graded it rated it fresh.

The Review: I’ll cut right to the chase. Blood Freak serves as a powerful public service announcement about the dangers of combining genetically altered marijuana with genetically altered turkey. You see, the triptophan and the THC combine and will apparently turn you into a murderous turkey-headed monster thirsting for the blood of “weed addicts.” This is a phrase used in the film. So please, I beg of you, heed the warning and don’t combine genetically altered weed with genetically altered turkey.

I can say with 100% certainty that this film features cinema’s first and only turkey-headed guy-on-Christian woman sex scene (or… any woman, for that matter). This leads the woman to ponder what the kids would look like. And it also raises some serious philosophical questions. Would the girl lay an egg? Should turkey-headed guys be allowed to reproduce, since the subsequent child would be scarred for life? I should probably see if Noam Chomsky will watch Blood Freak and weigh in.

For what it’s worth, amazingly, the only breasts in this film were covered in feathers and waddle. Further questions? Here’s the trailer, which speaks volumes. Actually, this trailer shows pretty much the whole film.


17 Comments

Filed under Don't Watch It John!, Movies

17 responses to “Don’t Watch It, John! The Thanksgiving Edition: Blood Freak (1972)

  1. aleksa

    So, it’s “Reefer Madness: with turkeys?

  2. Blood Freak is a CLASSIC of bad cinema. I watched it about 6 or 7 years ago and I loved it! So wretched. So enjoyable.

    • When I first saw that comment, I misread it as “I watched it when I was 6 or 7”. Like it was on PBS after the Electric Company one day or something.

  3. goregirl

    Haha! Love it! Poultry-fryingly perfect fare for the whole family! The tryptophan in turkey makes you sleepy and pot generally makes you mellow…meh…never mind. Blood Freak is crummy, but it certainly gave me a chuckle at times. Every year I intend to have a poultry-themed film week leading up to Thanksgiving. You’d be surprised how many films include poultry; although few as eloquently as Blood Freak! If I may suggest three films for future “Don’t Watch It John”…Weasels Rip My Flesh (1979), Manos: Hands of Fate (1966) and Monster A-Go Go (1965).

    • I’ve had Manos on my radar for a long time, but it’s hard to find a copy that isn’t MST3K. Or… at least, it’s not on Netflix. Looks like the same goes for Monster-A-Go-Go.

      I just added Weasels Rip My Flesh to the top of my Netflix queue. I’ll be seeing it very soon. That title is hilarious.

      I just found out today that Thankskilling 3 came out recently, which shocked me because I didn’t know there’d been a Thankskilling 2. But the original is a ton of craptastic fun.

  4. John,

    I hope you don’t mind, but I linked your article to my article I just wrote on Bllod Freak for my blog. You beat me to the punch!! Anyway, if you get a chance, please come over and read my take on this wondrous classic of bad cinema…and BTW, i recommend EVERYONE to see this…preferably high.
    http://xsmarkthespot.squarespace.com/blog/2012/11/21/happy-thanksgiving-from-my-favorite-turkey-monster-movie-blo.html

  5. I’m glad I’m not the only person who’s seen this movie.

    • Is it not just the craziest piece of shit you’ve ever seen? My favorite part is how intense they are about the evils of drugs.

      Well, that and all the turkey murders.

  6. Funny review. I hear the government is working on this project to send to Mexico.

  7. HAHAHA I have never heard of this one, but the synopsis is amazing!

  8. I demand all my movie boobs be covered in feathers and waddle.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s