Fun With Netflix Viewer Reviews: Volume 5

It’s time yet again for the article that’s easy for me and fun for you- Fun with Netflix Viewer Reviews! Here’s volume five of people writing really bad, or funny, Netflix viewer reviews. These are presented completely unedited. Even when you think I might have edited something in or out of the copy, I assure you that I have not.As always, understand that I don’t always disagree with the negativity surrounding some of these movies, but there’s always at least one thing in these reviews that I find amusing.

Rocky VII: Het Faster and Then Marry Adrian

Rocky (1976)
THIS WAS A GOOD MOVIE. rOCKY SEEMS STRONG WILLED, FUNNY, AND CUTE. IT TAKES A LOT TO FIGHT, AND MAN HE NEEDS TO HET FASTER AND THEN MARRY ADRIAN

The Skin I Live In (2011)
If I could rate this film below a one, I would!! Antonio Banderas is so much better than this film; he should have remained as Zorro instead of a Zero!!

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
I put “Rudolph” on my queue thinking that it would it would be sweet, simple entertainment for young children, lacking the scariness of more recently made children’s movies. I guess it was an example of nostalgia clouding one’s vision because after watching it with my children yesterday, I would not recommend it for young children. The snowman narrator (Burl Ives’ voice) is chilling, with his vacant pupil-less eyes. And the snow monster, not suprisingly, terrified my 3-year-old. But bad guys are always scary. What is more disturbing in “Rudolph” is that all persons in leadership positions – Rudolph’s father, the leader of the elves, the reindeer “coach”, and Santa himself– are mean and critical. They are only nice once Rudolph can do somethey they want/need. My son asked why the Santa in this movie was a “mean Santa.” In summary – just because we watched it as children doesn’t make it good.

Dogville (2004)
Weird film that is a touch “Our Town” and good bit of avant garde hallucination. Nicole Kidman is a great actress. She is misused here. I assume she is doing some producer a favor to appear in this trivia. Skip it.

RoboCop (1987)
The movie was ok. At the being of the movie there is some guys in a shower and you see their butts no big deal but in the same room a sec later you see a womens chest as she puts on her vest to go to work. Very unexpected. Other than that ok movie. It had it bad parts and good parts.

Some laghs, but too horny.

Billy Madison (1995)
We perseveared because there were a few laghs. Like my daughter said, it was too horny.

The Brown Bunny (2004)
I fell asleep after the first 4 hours of Vincent Gallo driving around – looking really intense. Then, I think I woke up to see Chloe Sevigny eat a salami. Then I fell asleep again.

Stranger than Fiction (2006)
Sometimes Maggie Gyllenhaal looks like a less attractive version of her brother. This is not one of those times. Plus, I like girls that have tattoos and can make me cookies. I would watch it again just to fantasize about her insulting me and making me eat cookies.

This has Re-Watchterpiece Theater written all over it.

Caddyshack II (1988)
Watch the gopher undermine the golfer as the gofer/caddy is abused. A play on words? Yes, and with this comedy the play on words is appropriate. See the new wedge putter. The rich and the richer pull all the stops as they compete to obtain a golf course from the richest. You will see the wave of the future in golfing. See the way Peter Blunt (Randy Quaid) practices law. They have developed a unique way of jumping horses over hurdles. Do not miss the significance of a quadloon. Checkout the picture of Chevy Chase and family. Keep your eye on the gopher. The gopher gets fatter and fatter! This sequel of Caddyshack is a comedy that has a new design for the entertainment of the wealthy. We enjoyed this comedy and we feel that you and yours will enjoy it too.

National Treasure (2004)
Watching this movie was like being beat up with a giant dildo. You’re like, huh, I’m being beat up with a dildo!

The Apartment (1960)
With the cast of characters and the synopsis, this movie should be well acted and funny. Ten minutes into the movei, the premise is defined when we find out that Jack Lemmon’s character is allowing his corporate bosses to use his apartment for marital infidelity while he is left in the cold and the rain, wearing an over coat over his pajamas. I found this premise to be extremely distasteful and turned the movie off and returned it after watching about 30 minutes of the movie. Prudish? Maybe, but it’s my opinion. I also think the synopsis needs to be changed to really describe the plot of the movie more accurately.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Here’s the synopsis: “With furthering his career in mind, an insurance clerk lends his apartment to his adulterous higher-ups for their amorous affairs. But his fast track to an executive suite gets derailed when he becomes involved with his boss’s latest conquest.”

Videodrome (1983)
Was this supposed to be scary? It was more annoying than scary. The best part was seeing Debbie Harry’s boobie for about three seconds. This film looked out dated and admitedly is not in my relm of taste. It’s a horror movie that atempts to tell a storie and make scense . But it is nothing more that bad eighties cheese that is bogged down by a psudo science fiction pretence which acts only as an excuse for violence and grose out scenes meant to make you squirm but instead I just cringed. Another thing I did’nt like is that you only got to see one of Debbie Harry’s boobies not both and for only 3 seconds. A terrible movie.Suitable for Troma.Actualy there’s alot of good stuff on Troma.I certainly perfer it over this. P.S.James Woods is a good actor if he has a good role,but This is not one of them.


23 Comments

Filed under Humor, Movies

23 responses to “Fun With Netflix Viewer Reviews: Volume 5

  1. Love those reviews of The Skin I Live In and The Brown Bunny. Stranger than Fiction is very funny. I guess the person who reviewed National Treasure had some experience with that to be able to compare it.

  2. Craig

    Yes, watching National Treasure is like being beat up with a Nicholas Cage.

  3. These are brilliant as usual. The last line of the Caddyshack 2 review sent a shiver down my spine. People are insane.

    • I saw that movie when I was 12. And even then, I thought it was pretty crappy. That’s saying something, because I can’t think of too many movies I didn’t like when I was 12. Hell, when you’re that age, you like everything.

  4. That Brown Bunny review is pretty accurate.

  5. aleksa

    What’s funny is that I don’t really disagree with the “Rudolph” review. I saw it every year as a kid, but I remember watching it as an adult and thinking, “Man, everyone in this show is an a**hole!”

    • My sister in law and I were kind of joking about it last night as we were watching It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. The kids are kind of jerks in the Great Pumpkin.

  6. The one for ‘The Skin I Live In’ is a hoot!! “Antonio Banderas should have remained as Zorro instead of a Zero!!” Oh man, some people!!

    • Isn’t that hilarious? I’m pretty neutral about Banderas- I like him in some stuff, don’t like him in other stuff. But one thing you’ll never hear me say is “I wish he’d do more movies like Zorro”.

  7. The guy who met Kevin Meany

    As bad as Caddyshack 2 was, Randy Quaid as an attorney was comedy gold. Also, for some reason, I think Maggie Gyllenhaal is hot.

  8. I actually really like that Brown Bunny review.

    • I thought it was hilarious. I haven’t even seen the movie, but I know one very specific thing about it. And that review dovetails nicely with what I know about it.

  9. Alex Withrow

    RoboCop. It’s all about that RoboCop “review.” Also, National Treasure. That was priceless.

    Thanks so much for assembling these, John. They legit make my day.

  10. I love that the RoboCop one only chose to focus on the film’s very brief nudity.

  11. No other blogger ever has any hope of wresting the title of “Funniest” after posts like these. LOL Good God.

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