More Fun with Netflix Viewer Reviews

If the internet teaches us anything, it’s that there’s no shortage of people willing to say bizarre and often stupid things. Even people with reasonable things to say occasionally  butcher the language with poor grammar. It makes for a good time for the rest of us. In other words, I’m revisiting a subject I touched on a few weeks ago- bad Netflix viewer reviews. These are presented completely unedited.

Wall Street (1987)
I really enjoyed this movie,I know it is not new but very interesting,how we can all be used.

Harpo Marx, moron in a trenchcoat

Duck Soup (1933)
What’s up with the moron in the trenchcoat who never talks and keeps tooting that stupid horn? He’s so obnoxious I wanted to punch him right in the nose! I’d love to see Moe Howard show him what he can do with that horn!! Oh, a wise guy eh?

Do the Right Thing (1989)
Racist Spike Lee makes a movie about racist black people who riot when things don’t go their way. So what else is new? The fact is that in this day and age, if black people owned a pizza parlor in an all white neighborhood and had only pictures of black people on their walls, no white person would ever complain. However if a white guy (as in the movie) has pictures of all white guys on the wall of his pizza parlor in a black neighborhood, it is a big deal. Spike Lee just shows black people in a bad light, but I don’t think he meant to. He is just too stupid to know it.

(Editor’s note: wow)

Monsturd (2003)
Move over Citizen Kane! May be the best evil turd monster movie ever. I liked Monsturd because I hate those stupid cop dramas that are polluting television. Law and Order and CSI are just Monsturd with better production values and slightly better actors.

I served under Generalist Overview during the war.

On Golden Pond (1981)
Informative & historically interesting. Lacking a lot of detail and actual footage. Generalist overview.

The Magnificent Seven (1960)
Hey Ladies, I have two words for you….Eli Wallach!!! ‘Nuf said, Trust me on this one.

Winter’s Bone (2010)
Boooooooooooooooooring!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’d give it zero stars if I could. I’ve seen boring movies, but this one is definitively over the top. It deserves an Oscar just for that. booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Bananas (1971)
This is a bad movie. I don’t usually give out 1 star ratings, but this one deserved it. The only scene that was moderately funny was the opening, with Howard Cosell. Other than that, don’t bother. While the rating on here says PG, be warned, because this is one that should probably warrant an “R” rating. If one wants to see a good Woody Allen movie, rent Manhattan Murder Mystery. Don’t bother with this one.

Nowhere near as good as The Brady Bunch.

The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Oh, this is so artistic, the complex relationship dynamics between an intellectual psycho and a naive and tender FBI agent. Oh, puke. Watching Jeffrey Dahmer and Janet Reno talk to each other for two hours would have been more entertaining. How come Hollywood criminals seem to be so cool, smart, sassy, and sophisticated; yet the crack dealer down the street keeps soiling himself when a car backfires? How come all gay folks are psycho killers in Hollywood? The gay folk in my town are accountants and real estate agents. Does Jodie Foster ever smile in any of her roles? I’m digressing. This movie is like watching your deranged uncle try on your mother’s underwear. Please. If Jeffrey Dahmer had a more refined and sophisticated palate, I am sure Hollywood would release him on a work study program so that he could write Hollywood movie scripts. Everyone used to mimic Anthony Hopkins, “favre beans and Chianti.” I’ll stick with the Brady Bunch, “pork chops and apple sauce.”

Teeth (2007)
THIS MOVIE IS SO LAME! This film displayed views of three severed penises, but not one view of the toothy vag!na! I’m so sick and tired of liberal Hollywood and their anti-heterosexual male crap! THE MOVIE IS ABOUT A VAG!NA AND THEY WONT SHOW IT! SO SCARED THEY MIGHT OFFEND THE FEMALES WATCHING! Hollywood never shows a females vag!na! Hollywood has a double standard when it comes to genital nudity…and for all those females who want to say that Hollywood has been showing breasts forever, well breasts are in no way equal to showing genitals. Why is it that heterosexual males continue to watch this anti-male crap without an equal amount of female genital nudity? Just another hateful anti-heterosexual male movie by liberal Hollywood! Hey you gay Hollywood prudes….why don’t you show some vagiina to go with all the peniis!

Ed Wood (1994)
I usaly love Tim Burton, but this movie wasn’t for me. I don’t get why he made this movie, it wasn’t funny to me or interesting. It you really want to see it i recomend studing who Ed Wood is first and the history behind the movei then it might be intresting. However like all of Tim Burtons movies it is wonderfuly filmed and there is wonderful acting.

Shaming children since 1969

Sesame Street: Do the Alphabet (1995)
not the best Sesame Street video. Seems to denigrate a child who is unable to learn the alphabet by putting him/her in a “alphabet support group”.

Cloistered Nun: Runa’s Confession (1976)
That movie was really sucks, there was no good story line for it, also you can not change the audio to be english, really that mvoei did not deserve more than two stars for all things, story line, erotic scene (which it had only one lasbian scne + soft sex scene) do not expect any more for that movie aslo it is not worse to rent and to watch.

A Serious Man (2009)
I have not disliked a movie this much in years. Michael Stuhlbarg’s character is the only likeable character in the movie. His wife and children are disgustingly apathetic. I really don’t understand why people are enjoying this movie. I love dark humor, but this was just trying to be too offbeat. Yuck!


27 Comments

Filed under Humor, Movies

27 responses to “More Fun with Netflix Viewer Reviews

  1. Keep them coming, they are fun to read…

  2. kloipy

    wow. a good gauge of who you ever want to have a conversation with based on these reviews. I’d love to see what movies these people reviewed and gave a good rating to

    • In all fairness though, Monsterturd IS the Citizen Kane of turd monster movies!

      • kloipy

        I’d say it is actually more of the Casablanca of turd monster movies. It’s wistful display of a sort of sadness, really captures what makes the turd genre so strong

        • I’ve seen about 20 minutes of it. I had a horrible hangover and I had just eaten a lot of greasy breakfast food in the hope of chasing away the hangover. Then my friend and I popped in Monsturd. And… 20 minutes later, we had to end it. Someone would’ve vomited, probably both of us.

  3. Vladdy

    I actually agree with the review for A Serious Man, lol.

  4. I kind of agree with the review for A Serious Man. I don’t see the appeal for it either.

  5. ahahhaha. “Why is it that heterosexual males continue to watch this anti-male crap without an equal amount of female genital nudity?” Just another poor pig who never discovered porn and is forced to troll netflix for the ever elusive lady parts scene.

  6. I’m still trying to decipher that On Golden Pond review.

    • I almost wonder if it’s not for the wrong film. Although even if it is, I can’t imagine what film would make that review even mildly cogent.

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  8. f**king love these posts… so funny John

  9. Please please please post these often. They are hysterical. I dunno why, but the On Golden Pond one had me rolling.

    Also, Eli Wallach.

    • They’re easy enough to do, and there’s no shortage of stupid things said on the internet. It could very easily become a regular feature.

      And… yeah, I have no clue what the On Golden Pond one was trying to say. Nor did I know that the ladies love Eli Wallach.

  10. I can’t believe there are people out there who didn’t find Bananas funny!

  11. The analysis of TEETH was my favorite. That someone put that much thought into male genital vs. female genital views in movies is incredible.

    • I’m thinking they have an Excel spreadsheet somewhere that breaks it down.

      What I want to know is… it has teeth. Why would you want to see that?!?

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  13. Dan

    Nice! I love the way the Winter’s Bone comment just ends with a long string of “booooo…”. It’s so boring it doesn’t even get all the letters!

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