Hollywood Zombies I’d Like to Meet

The St. Louis-based We Are Movie Geeks is my favorite resource for attaining screener passes to films before they come out. Their contests to acquire screener passes usually revolve around fun questions. Their most recent question, for passes to see ParaNorman, was a doozy:

You travel to Tinseltown – Hollywood – and you notice it’s full of the walking dead! What famous star do you hope to see as… A ZOMBIE!! and why.

I love this question so much that I’ve developed several answers.

For the record, I’m interpreting this question to mean that they’re already dead.

Someone actually has a Mae West zombie tattoo.

Mae West: I want to hear the grunting zombie equivalent of “Why don’t you come up and see me some time?”

Lucille Ball: Her red hair coupled with dead green zombie skin would sort of give the horrifying zombie apocalypse a bit of Christmas cheer.

Lassie: What’s that, Lassie? There’s trouble at the old brain surgeon’s house?

All the dead Saturday Night Live cast members: Even if they’re zombified, putting together John Belushi, Chris Farley, Gilda Radner, and Phil Hartman (and what the hell, Charles Rocket) would make for an amazing SNL episode.

Close enough

Jimmy Stewart: It’d be the definitive proof, once and for all, that Jimmy Stewart is the most beloved Hollywood icon. If he’s trying to eat everyone’s brains and people still like him, I’d say that closes the books.

Mickey Rooney: Holy shit, he’s still alive? Never mind.

Marilyn Monroe: It’s the same general concept as the one behind Jimmy Stewart. Just replace beauty with likability.

Buster Keaton: He’s already the great stone face. And what comedy do zombies have if not great stone faces?

Bette Davis: Who doesn’t want to see “Bette Davis eyes” rotting to mush?

Bela Lugosi: What could be more literal than a classic Hollywood monster becoming a real-life monster? It would be poetic justice for Lugosi.

Orson Welles: Fat zombies are funny.

Edward G. Robinson: “I’m gonna eat your brains, see? They smell so good to me and I want to put a little salt and pepper on them, see? I’m an unstoppable brain-eating machine, see?”

Paul Newman: I can only imagine the wacky salad dressing labels that they’d come up with.

Lon Chaney, Sr.: Turning him into a zombie would actually make him less creepy than the living (on-screen) version.

Audrey Hepburn: I guarantee you’ll never meet a classier zombie.


10 Comments

Filed under Humor, Movies, TV Shows

10 responses to “Hollywood Zombies I’d Like to Meet

  1. Holy crap, I’d love to get eaten up by zombie Edward G. Robinson. As he’s finishing me off, with my last breath I could say, “I loved you in Scarlet Street.”

    What I’m saying is, he’s great in Scarlet Street.

  2. I’m not the only one who thinks that Lon Chaney looks weird on screen! I’d love to meet Marilyn as a zombie with her costar in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes Jane Russell in their sexy costumes! A Sexy zombie dance would be so creepy!

  3. WOW this bonkers and I love it!!! Nicely done sir

  4. FilmFather

    Errol Flynn. First to tell him (at a safe distance) that his autobiography is one of the best books I ever read, and also because something tells me he would instinctively stumble to all the best bars and parties in town.

  5. goregirl

    Fun! Lucille Ball and Edward G. Robinson would be great (“I’m gonna eat your brains, see? They smell so good to me and I want to put a little salt and pepper on them, see? I’m an unstoppable brain-eating machine, see?” – freaking hilarious John!)

    Off the top of my head…I would like to see an undead Klaus Kinski! Scary! And an undead John Candy with infectious laugh intact!

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