Filmmakers have been holding out on us for years. They’ve been making movies for over a century now and they’ve ignored one central tenet. And that tenet is that things are more fun, more exciting, and sometimes more humorous when characters turn into giant angry green monsters. For instance, I think that all of these movie characters would have had enhanced roles if they could have become a hulk.
Rooster Cogburn, True Grit (1969)
This is a simple script change. Simply replace “debaucherous alcoholism” with “gamma radiation”. Problem solved.
Ada McGrath, The Piano (1993)
First of all, Harvey Keitel’s character sort of deserved to be smashed for the way he treated her. Secondly, hearing her play the piano with Hulk hands would be hilarious.
Sarah Connor, The Terminator series
The Terminator series was fun, to be sure, but can you imagine how much more fun it would have been if it had featured a she-hulk fighting deadly futuristic robots, some made of liquid metal?
Chance, Being There (1979)
The dialogue alone between Chance and the President would be worth the price of admission.
Raymond Babbit, Rain Man (1988)
When Raymond says there are only 15 minutes to Judge Wapner, you’d better get your ass parked in front of a TV as soon as possible. Because he will definitely smash you 246 times.
Erin Brockovich, Erin Brockovich (2000)
Polluting a city’s water supply would have been so much more dangerous if a she-hulk had been victimized by it.
Catherine Tramell, Basic Instinct (1992)
This could have started a new trend- the Hulk Fatale.
Howard T. Duck, Howard the Duck (1986)
Let’s be honest. Turning him into a duck didn’t work. Why not go the extra mile and make him a hulk duck? It couldn’t make the movie any worse.
Gordon Gekko, Wall Street (1987)
GREEEEED GOOOOD! GEKKO SMASH AIRPLANE UNION!
Margo Tenenbaum, The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
If anyone has a right to get angry in ways that nobody likes, it’s Margo Tenenbaum. Everyone around her is a mess and her husband AND her brother- who loves her- are spying on her, and she can’t even smoke without intrusions. And her dad is an asshole.