Fifty Wishes

The other day, I came to the realization that I wish for a lot of movie-related things. It happens several times a week. For instance…

  1. I wish every score was as good as Ennio Morricone’s score for The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
  2. I wish I could do a better truffle shuffle.
  3. I wish I had a cabin, or even a mall, in Pennsylvania that could hide me from zombies.
  4. I wish I could have made smores from the exploded corpse of the Stay Puft marshmallow man.

    Something like this. image credt: foodiggity.com

  5. I wish I could spend one day as dedicated to making people laugh as Buster Keaton was every day he was alive.
  6. I wish I had seen the Copacabana tracking shot from Goodfellas in a theater.
  7. I wish Jean Vigo had lived much longer.
  8. I wish I could spend one day looking at the world with Luis Buñuel’s eyes.
  9. I wish everyone enjoyed Hot Fuzz as much as I do.
  10. I wish every scene was as painstakingly shot as the shower scene from Psycho.
  11. I wish I enjoyed every comedy the way I enjoy comedies made by Mel Brooks.
  12. I wish Boris Karloff was recognized as a great actor, and not just an icon of horror.
  13. I wish Clint Eastwood could be the Man with No Name forever.
  14. I wish more screenwriters had the wit and cynicism of Billy Wilder.
  15. I wish there were more Preston Sturges movies.
  16. I  wish Robert Duvall had been in The Godfather: Part III.
  17. I wish John Belushi had stayed sober.
  18. I wish people looked at Catherine Deneuve the same way they look at Marilyn Monroe.

    Just look at her, for crying out loud.

  19. I wish the camerawork from every movie was as good as it was in Lars Von Trier’s Medea.
  20. I wish more people would watch Ti West horror movies.
  21. I wish there was a re-make of The Running Man starring Karl Pilkington, with Ricky Gervais in the role of Richard Dawson.
  22. I wish there weren’t so many remakes of foreign movies and sequels.
  23. I wish all movies were as fun as Shaolin Soccer.
  24. I wish I could live my life the way John Huston lived his life.
  25. I wish I got David Lynch.
  26. I wish Face/Off had starred Peter Stormare and Danny Trejo.
  27. I wish I owned a time-traveling DeLorean and had an eccentric friend named Doc.
  28. I wish everyone could be as happy as I am when I watch The Muppets.
  29. I wish I’d seen more Czech New Wave movies.
  30. I wish I enjoyed every action movie as much as I enjoyed The Dark Knight.
  31. I wish there was a whole movie made about Quint’s trials on the USS Indianapolis.

    Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief.

  32. I wish all action heroes had catch phrases as good as “Yippie ki-yay, motherfucker!”
  33. I wish Fargo hadn’t ruined the otherwise wholesome reputation of wood chippers.
  34. I wish every generation had their very own Katharine Hepburn.
  35. I wish someone would make Bob Dylan’s “Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts” into a movie.
  36. I wish all cult movies could be as cool as Electra Glide in Blue.
  37. I wish I could find a copy of The Day the Clown Cried.
  38. I wish one particular scene of The Twilight Zone movie had never been filmed.
  39. I wish Albert Brooks was as popular as Woody Allen.

    Only six of these cameras were ever made. Only five of them ever worked. We have four of those.

  40. I wish it was easier to find a copy of Abel Gance’s Napoléon.
  41. I wish all movie rivalries could be as intense and last as long as Christopher Lee vs. Peter Cushing.
  42. I wish I was related to Martin Scorsese’s mom.
  43. I wish every actress had the range of Cate Blanchett.
  44. I wish there were more people like Larry Blamire making movies.
  45. I wish the people who like Peter Jackson’s movies had all seen Bad Taste and Dead Alive and then they would all like him more.
  46. I wish the concept behind 2001: A Space Odyssey was more accessible.
  47. I wish Fatty Arbuckle had stayed home on Labor Day.
  48. I wish I was John L. Sullivan.
  49. I wish Han shot first every time.
  50. I wish it wasn’t so damned cliché to love The Big Lebowski, because it’s completely worth it.

43 Comments

Filed under Movies

43 responses to “Fifty Wishes

  1. I’ll wish for a genie for you who can grant you all of them then 😉

  2. This is one of the best posts you’ve ever written. I wish for pretty much all these things too. I am lucky enough to own Abel Gance’s Napoleon on a second-hand Region 4 DVD which is a little worse for wear but still watchable. Someday Criterion will release it, hopefully. I’d love to see the full five hour version.

    On the subject of David Lynch, his films aren’t made to be “got.” You either enjoy the craziness or you don’t.

    If there was one on this list that I also shared the most passionately, it would be the Bunuel one. That man had a greater mind than Edison, Einstein and all the other “great minds” of history.

    I may have to do one of these lists of my own. Fantastic, flooring, perfect work, sir!

    • Thanks, Tyler! A Criterion release of Napoléon is really what it deserves. I can only imagine the battle for rights that occur over that movie.

  3. Fan-Fooking-Tastic!!

    Amazing and hilarious…. One of mine would be I wish I couldn’t do such a good Truffle Shuffle!!

    🙂 Hitlist beckons!

    • In a perfect world, there’d be no Truffle Shuffling. But since I live in a world in which I can do the Truffle Shuffle, I figure I might as well embrace it and do it as best I can.

  4. Oh my God, what I would pay to see that Quint prequel. Badass is what it would be.

  5. Fantastic list of a cinephile’s fantasies! Myself, I wish to have more time to see more films and to live old enough to watch all the films I intend to…

  6. surroundedbyimbeciles

    #21 is an awesome idea.

  7. The guy who met Kevin Meany

    I smell another list of 50 things you would prevent by jumping into the Delorean and going back in time. Would preventing the raining frogs scene in Magnolia make that list? There is also a more depressing list of things yet to come–Transformers 4, more action movies starring Taylor Kitch, Channing Tatum or another former male model, The Incredible Hulk, Spiderman, Batman, Superman, Thor, Ironman, Captain America, etc. will all be recast and rebooted in 15-20 years, The future is a scary place indeed.

  8. 49 – Granted. At my house Han shoots first every time, we have the OT on VHS pre-suckifying. My wish in place of 49 is that my kid never sees Greedo miss. I can already hear the playground argument.

    • I’ve heard that it keeps getting tweaked to the point that they now shoot at the same time, maybe? It’s small… and it’s not what we all want… but it’s a step in the right direction.

  9. Phil

    Great post and I don’t have time to leave 50 comments, but Sound Opinions this week said that someone is making ‘Blood on the Tracks’ into a movie. Wish #35 granted!

  10. goregirl

    Fun! I want to do a list like this!
    “I wish Face/Off had starred Peter Stormare and Danny Trejo.” I freaking love this!!! and “I wish someone would make Bob Dylan’s “Lily, Rosemary, and the Jack of Hearts” into a movie.” Brilliant idea! Any wishes on who would direct such a project?
    Your Larry Blamire wish has reminded me that I still need to see The Lost Skeleton Returns Again!
    I am so with you on Catherine Deneuve who is easily as sexy as Marilyn Monroe (not to mention a fantastic actress and one of my all time favourites) and Boris Karloff IS a great actor!

    • An all-horror fifty wishes would be the cat’s pajamas.

      If Sam Peckinpah was still bumping around making movies, he’d be perfect for the Dylan adaptation. In a dream world, the Coens would be great for it because I’m sure they could take that whole town and turn them into ridiculous dolts, duped by the Jack of Hearts. You could stick Clooney in that role.

      You know what I like so much about Blamire? He clearly has so much fun making his movies. And it shows on screen. He loves the stuff he’s parodying.

  11. aleksa

    As far as 9 and 28 go, I couldn’t agree with you more.

  12. Dan

    9 – I can’t say for sure whether I like Hot Fuzz as much as you do, but I’ll say that I really enjoyed it, maybe even more than Shaun of the Dead. Reason #1: Timothy Dalton

    18 – Right on about Catherine Deneuve

    49 and 50 – Yes and Yes

    • If you’ve ever seen The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean, my opinion of Deneuve is really similar to the way he looked at Lily Langtree.

      As much as I love Shaun of the Dead, I really do prefer Hot Fuzz. The comedy in the screenplay is just so dense. There’s not a single wasted ounce of energy.

  13. rtm

    I LOVE Ennio Morricone’s work, I wish all scores are as beautiful as Cinema Paradiso.

    Hey I enjoyed Hot Fuzz too! And like Dan said, Timothy Dalton is a HUGE part of why I LOVED it!

    Totally with you on #32 and #43. Cate rules! 🙂

    • I know you’ve seen me mention it a handful of times, but every time I see Dalton’s name and Hot Fuzz together, I can’t help but think of Edgar Wright calling Dalton “Mr. Pricklepants”.

      Blanchett’s range is amazing. Coffee and Cigarettes, and I’m Not There, are the two that really made me stand up and take notice.

  14. I need to make one of these! I love the mention about Ti West movies. I LOVE House of the Devil (although I hated The Innkeepers so go figure). Excellent list.

    • Ah, surprising…. but it’s always awesome to hear other people who dig the Ti Wests of the world. What was it you disliked about The Innkeepers, if you don’t mind me asking? I only say surprising because I thought it was similar- at least in pacing- to House of the Devil.

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  16. An incredible blog,full of brilliant ideas,I need to spend more time digg your blog.
    “I wish every score was as good as Ennio Morricone’s score for The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.”Yeah,I’ve just written a piece discussing Sergio Leone’s style,which covers his cooperation with Morricone.

  17. Pingback: Weekly Recap ( Apr 12 – Apr 18 ) : A Collection of Great Reviews and Lists | Taste of Cinema - Criterion Film Reviews and Classic Film Lists

  18. Excellent post! This one – “I wish people looked at Catherine Deneuve the same way they look at Marilyn Monroe.” is my favorite. Deneuve is simply a goddess and more people should notice that.

  19. Very cool blog post! The one wish I’d like to single out is the Face/off one. I would never have thought of it myself, but damn it sounds fantastic. Great work! I’ll have to have a bit of a look-around on this blog of yours, I think.

    • Great! I hope you enjoy it!

      Stormare and Trejo are personal favorites of mine because they’re always great in whatever little slice of a role they have. A movie featuring those two in the same way Face/Off worked for Travolta and Cage just seems to make some kind of magical sense.

      • I’m definitely with you on your appreciation of Stormare and Trejo. The former in particular is always able to be one of the best things of any movie he’s in. Constantine, for example, would have been entirely forgettable if not for Stormare’s great turn as Satan.

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  21. Luke Caxford

    Which bit of the Twilight Zone Movie did you not like? I didn’t like the old people bit.

  22. yaykisspurr

    A very cute post! Cheers.

  23. Pingback: Fifty Wishes « A Swede Talks Movies

  24. Pingback: Fifty Wishes – The Horror Film Edition « GOREGIRL'S DUNGEON

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