Tale of the Tape: Uncle Jesse


The 1980’s were an intense battleground on television. A war raged on throughout most of the decade, with the title of “Best Uncle Jesse” at stake. Who had the edge? Was it Hazzard County’s master of homespun wisdom, Uncle Jesse Duke? Or was it the in-your-face rocker who made the ladies swoon, Uncle Jesse Katsopolis? This is something that can only be decided with the use of a tale of the tape.

Thanks to the use of hard science, we can see that Jesse Duke is the King of the Uncle Jesses. In fact, other than not being a fat guy and living in San Francisco, Jesse Katsopolis holds no significant edge over his huckleberry opponent.


8 Comments

Filed under TV Shows

8 responses to “Tale of the Tape: Uncle Jesse

  1. Dude, you are both hysterical and possessed of too much time on your hands. Love this post!

  2. Darah

    Never going to be a contest.
    Duke however has easily the better catchphrase, and also even I’d take his authentic frontier gibberish music stylings over insipid 80’s ‘rock’.
    It is only fair though to doff the cap at the venerable ’64 Mustang over the F100, I mean COME ON!

    • Full House Jesse had a better car, but Jesse Duke’s truck is awesome and sturdy and is the kind of truck you do work in with your dog and a chainsaw. So I voted that way.

  3. In my book, this wasn’t even a contest. I always favor the guy who makes moonshine in a shed.

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