It’s time for networks all over the TV landscape to introduce their viewers to new shows. It is with much regret that I must inform you- not all of them will make it past the larval stage. Ergo, TV executives must create emergency plans for when their shows die on the vine. To help them maintain continuity in their programming, I’ve come up with several recommended mid-season replacements.
The World Needs Ditch Diggers
The History Channel adds to their rich tradition of honoring the past by following around some guys in Pennsylvania who dig ditches. Special emphasis is placed on the technology of ditch digging, like the shovel, appropriate trench depth, and the maximum amount of digging that can be done before it’s necessary to hydrate.
David Spade plays a snarky aquarium employee who can communicate with dolphins. But what happens when the dolphins tire of his attitude? Hilarity ensues. Voice of Squeakers, the talking dolphin: James Earl Jones.
Darius Rucker’s Ozark Mountain Jamboree
Hearkening back to variety shows of the past, Darius Rucker hosts a weekly one-hour show featuring “down home” comedy sketches, country music performances, and general aw-shuckery. Live from Branson, Missouri.
I Survived Ice Dancing with a Polar Bear
Celebrity contestants compete in a weekly dance contest in which they must first bathe in seal blubber before dancing with a polar bear. The prize for weekly winners- continuing to live!
Who better to come up with inventive, challenging, mostly delicious dishes than someone baked out of their gourd? The Travel Channel presents Stoner Chef, a show dedicated to making thousands of dishes out of 15 cents worth of Ramen noodles, a bag of Doritos, a jar of peanut butter, and three tortillas.
Extreme Clown Swap
In this hot new CBS series, carnivals around the county will swap clowns. Some carnivals are deadly serious. Others are all fun and games. Will they survive this strange balancing act of clown swapping? Tune in Tuesdays at 9:00 EST to find out.
My Hobo Pal
A young child befriends a local vagrant (Gary Busey). This heart-warming tale tells the story of the duo as they travel around their native Portland, righting injustices with their unorthodox friendship. Also, maybe the hobo is a robot. Starring… I don’t know, isn’t there another Fanning?
Ad to the Bone
Seeking to enhance their reach with rural markets, a high-powered New York ad agency digs deep into the south to hire Jasper Pickett (Michael Rooker), an impoverished Georgia ex-con who lives in a trailer park. Wacky highjinx follow. Agency president played by Glenn Close.
Sparkly Rainbow Unicorn Pre-Teen Action Force
Led by Madison Unicornington, a band of superhero pre-teen girls fight villains, pimples, and Mr. Turlington, their grumpy science teacher. But will they be able to survive their crush on Chad?!?! Let the Disney Channel take you on this magical journey.