There’s a rich tapestry of robots in film and TV. From the metal goliath in Metropolis all the way to present day when Bender Rodriguez helps out the Futurama gang, robots have played a key role in helping humans do things. But sometimes, they’re hired for the wrong jobs. I would like to fix that. Here are some robots I’d like to hire to do things beyond their programming:
R2-D2, Star Wars
Job: Day Planner; Official Sidekick
With everyone’s favorite beeping garbage can at your side, you’d never forget an appointment; never go without the valuable items you can stuff inside of him, like lightsabers, rebel plans, or martini shakers; and you’d never have any prolonged issues with iPhones, computers, televisions, or gaming devices. He’s got a humor streak in him (insofar as beeping with smartass tones can be humorous) and he’s as loyal as a dog. He is the perfect sidekick.
Hedonism Bot, Futurama
Job: Party Organizer
He’s made out of gold, fashioned after classic Roman hedonism, takes baths in chocolate, and is devoted to decadence in all possible forms. In other words, with his help, I could throw the most incredible parties since approximately 1400 years ago.
The Fembots, Austin Powers
Job: Come on. Do I really need to explain this?
Robby the Robot, Forbidden Planet
Job: Business Manager
More than any of these other robots- perhaps more than any other fictional robot- Robby took care of business. Dr. Morbius made sure of that when he created Robby. Moreover, he had just enough comic deadpan to not look like a jerk when asking for help.
Linguo the Grammar Robot, The Simpsons
I do the best I can to edit the things I write. However, I am not perfect. There’s no escaping the fact that I could use Linguo’s help as long as I kept him away from mafia movies, which would apparently make him explode.
The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future, Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Job: Party Distraction
Have you ever gone to a party and found yourself stuck in a boring and/or lame conversation? With the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future at your side, you could insert him into these awful conversations, thereby freeing you to go about enjoying the rest of the party. Preferably, it’ll be a party planned by Hedonism Bot.
Johnny Five, Short Circuit
He’s way too kind to seriously discipline a kid but his history as a military robot gives just enough of a threat. The kid will get Johnny Five’s hippie love while learning to stay in line because his/her military robot nanny could obliterate him/her.
Gort, The Day the Earth Stood Still
Job: Basketball Teammate
He was 8 feet tall and shot lasers out of his face. Try going into the paint on Gort and you’re going to get rejected. The only potential quandary is if opposing teams employ the hack-a-Gort defense because I doubt he can hit free throws.
Vicki, Small Wonder
She narrowly edges out Rosie from The Jetsons. She earns the edge because she’s more likely to become involved in highjinx, whereas Rosie was just kind of part of the background.