Ten Movie Moms That Would Be Acceptable Substitutes for My Own


Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching. It’s time to honor our mothers with gifts that make up for the army of crappy ceramic ashtrays and pen holders that we all gave them when we were in elementary school and art teachers made us make things for them. Hypothetically, of course. And since my mom has killed me with love and kindness throughout the years, I’ve decided to honor her this year with this list of movie moms that would be acceptable substitutes for my own mom. None would be better, of course. But these ten would’ve done the trick. Happy Mothers Day, Mom!

Bambi’s Mom, Bambi (1942)
She took a bullet for her kid. Your move, everyone else but Bruce Wayne’s mom.

Mrs. Devito, Goodfellas (1990)
She has an eye for fine art. Her tomato sauce is undoubtedly amazing. She’s there for her son, even when he visits late at night mysteriously hoping to borrow a butcher knife. And she has an appropriate amount of concern over the semantics surrounding deer feet. Or paws. Or whaddya call it… the hoof.

Etheline Tenenbaum, The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
Look at the raw talent that Etheline infused in her children. Margot is a noted playwright. Richie (a.k.a. “The Baumer”) was a champion tennis player. Chas mastered the world of international finance. She was an author herself, having penned Family of Geniuses. Even her children’s friends- successful author Eli Cash- had some of the Etheline magic rub off on them.    

Sarah Connor, The Terminator series
My mom is pretty awesome, but I don’t think she could’ve staved off futuristic robots to protect me. Advantage, Sarah Connor.

Ellen Griswold, The Vacation series
Any woman with the capacity to deal with the volume of crap that Ellen Griswold handled would be a fine mother, indeed. Though it should be noted that every time they went on a vacation- be it to Wally World, Europe, on Christmas Vacation, or to Las Vegas- she had murdered Rusty and Audrey and had them replaced with other children. Either that or she was negligent enough that she didn’t notice that they were completely different kids.

Mrs. Bates, Psycho (1960)
Poor old Mrs. Bates might not keep people company for very long, but you’d never be nagged about anything, ever.

Rachel Keller, The Ring (2002)
In addition to protecting me from vengeful wet evil Japanese ghosts that climb out of the television, Rachel Keller was probably the most effective mother in history at driving home the point that you shouldn’t watch too much television. The drawback: you’d grow up with all of your friends saying lurid things about your beautiful mother, which may lead to some fights.

Mrs. Parker, A Christmas Story (1983)
Forgive me for making a really obvious choice, but you’d be hard pressed to find a movie mother that blends kindness and stern discipline quite like Mrs. Parker. I’ll put up with the soap poisoning and leg lamp accidents if I get all of the other stuff she provides.

Barbara, Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Other than the whole “trying to eat her son’s brains” thing towards the end of the movie, Barbara was the perfect mom. She even called Shaun “Pickle”. That’s about as realistic as it gets with movie moms, because every real mom has a goofy nickname for their kid.

Katie Bueller, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
Despite a flood of evidence mounted against her logic, she neglected all of her son’s highjinx. That’s the type of motherly devotion and trust that we all hope to have.

As I said, none of these are better than my own mom. But, they’d be fine substitutes.  


 

 

 

 



22 Comments

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22 responses to “Ten Movie Moms That Would Be Acceptable Substitutes for My Own

  1. Its Mothers Day? I thought we just done that….

    Oh my bad its not the same day world wide.

    Great choices there, my mum is most like Barbara from Shaun of the dead.

    She would always play me the Tammy Wynette son ‘No Charge’ when ever I was after cash….classic. You have brought a sentimental tear to this Brits stoney eyes today John. Thanks

    • When I think back on it, my mom is the reason I saw stuff like Glory and Dead Poet’s Society and the Indiana Jones and Star Wars movies in theaters when I was a kid. And I even got to watch “Psycho” on Halloween when I was 10.

  2. Kelly

    Mrs. Bates? Sure, she doesn’t nag or yell, but I much prefer my mommy alive and out of the fruit cellar.

    Clever idea, though. I’d say my mom is mostly Mrs. Parker with a dash of Katie Bueller, just because I got away with soooo much during my own high school days.

  3. The guy who met Kevin Meany

    I am guessing that lobbying for the inclusion of Kay Parker in Taboo is taking this discussion in the wrong direction.

    • I thought momentarily about the mom from “Murmur of the Heart”, which is the same idea, but opted to avoid going down that road.

  4. Hilarious. Where I am it’s not Mother’s Day for another two days, and I’m considering doing a Mother’s Day post of my own. Anyway, when I think of mothers in movies, I always think of Catherine Scorsese’s cameos in her son’s films. I recently rewatched Casino and was delighted to spot her there, too.
    I love all the characters of The Royal Tenenbaums, but I don’t think I’d want any of them to be members of my family, and as for Mrs. Bates in Psycho… just looking at that image makes me shiver.

  5. Catch

    While I realize they’re not movies, my mom is more like Lorelei Gilmore from Gilmore Girls or Karen Roe from One Tree Hill. Just not characters I’ve seen too much in movies, though I’m sure they’re there.

  6. IMDb Hitlist again with this one John…Who have I got to sleep with to get on there?

    Seriously though, great job matey!! Well deserved

    • Thanks! I’m completely (and pleasantly) shocked about this one.

      • rtm

        Hey Custard, when you’re brilliant like John he doesn’t need to sleep his way to the top! 😀

        Awesome mother’s day tribute John, LOVE that you have Bambi’s mom on here. And Sarah Connor, absolutely, most bad-ass but caring mom ever!

        • Poor Bambi’s mom got a raw deal. If I was a hunter and I heard a talking deer, I wouldn’t shoot. The hunter that shot Bambi’s mom is kind of a jerk.

        • Thing is Ruth, I definitely would sleep my way there!!! I have no shame, just want fame……

          oooh that should be my new tagline

          C

          • “Front Room Cinema: Will Sleep Around for Blog Hits”

            If I had known that sleeping with people was an option, I definitely would’ve done that.

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  8. Jenny

    I’ve always thought of Mrs. Brisby in The Secret of NIMH as the ultimate movie mom. She’s a mouse, and look at the horrors she faced to protect her kids: cats, plows, owls, hyper-intelligent rats… Now that’s one awesome mom!

    • In my mom’s defense, she protected me from hyper-intelligent rats and cats as well. Not so much owls and plows.

      Ah, who am I kidding. They were probably moderate intelligence at best.

  9. great list, John 🙂
    How about Mom from THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN 🙂 She was especially hilarious 🙂

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