Other Things Natalie Portman Didn’t Do

Natalie Portman has recently come under fire after it became public knowledge that she may not have done all of the dancing in Black Swan. It has caused quite a stir, with some people suggesting that she didn’t deserve the Best Actress Oscar that she won for her turn as Nina Sayers. After a little research, I’ve unearthed some more shocking facts. There are lots of other things that Natalie Portman didn’t do. Here’s what I’ve unearthed.

Natalie Portman did not spend several days in Utah with her arm trapped under a rock.


Natalie Portman was not part of the Normandy invasion, nor did she save Private Ryan.

Natalie Portman did not terrorize Amity Island over a holiday weekend by eating swimmers.

Natalie Portman did not sever a woman’s head and have it delivered to her police detective boyfriend in a desert.

Natalie Portman is not a giant transforming robot charged with protecting the planet from other giant transforming robots that are more evil.

Natalie Portman did not create havoc in Gotham by blowing up hospitals and using barges to take citizens hostage.

Natalie Portman did not eat a census taker’s liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Natalie Portman did not spend time in a mental asylum with Charlie Cheswick and Randall P. MacMurphy.

Natalie Portman did not sew people together in such a fashion that it created a human centipede.



19 Comments

Filed under Humor, Movies

19 responses to “Other Things Natalie Portman Didn’t Do

  1. Very funny, John. The Silence of the Lambs and Human Centipede ones are my favourite.

  2. Very good! And honestly, humor aside, what a BS “controversy”. People should be more upset about her doing No Strings Attached!

  3. MD

    Turns out the actual editing people gave real stats and she did 80% of the work anyways…Stupid people.

  4. Jonah

    but wouldn’t it be cool if she had!

  5. Don

    Natalie Portman did not win Dancing With the Stars…yet.

  6. I love it! Hilarious post John 🙂 Who cares what she did or did not do, she won the Oscar for acting, not dancing!

    • Hear, hear!

      I can respect the real dancer’s desire to be acknowledged but it’s not like Aronofosky or the film’s editors or… well, really, ANYONE has hidden her contributions.

  7. rtm

    Mwahahaha… great idea for a post, as always John. Your wit just never ceases to amaze me. That Jaws one had me in stitches!

  8. The Jaws picture sorta looks like Julia Roberts when she laughs.

  9. Debra Colby-Conklin

    And Natalie Portman did not wear the craziest wigs in the world in a sci-fi space franchise that should’ve been retired back in the seventies!

  10. Now that’s funny stuff … I don’t care who ya are.

    — Judson

  11. Oh, I absolutely love this post. Thumbs up to you, sir.

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