Through a Synthesizer, Darkly: Lebowski Scenes Using Voice Synthesizers

I recently found out about the wonderful world of text-to-speech synthesizers. They have very real value to the visually impaired. They also have very real value to people who want to laugh at how these things sound saying abnormal things. For instance… these are right from the screenplay for The Big Lebowski; click on the links to hear the scene play out. Hopefully the links stay active.

Side note: The text to speech reader I’ve used is Expressivo, and they encourage people to “Paste [links] to spoken text in email, IM or publish on blog”. I sort of doubt this is what they had in mind. If I’m in some sort of copyright violation, I’m glad to take this down.

————————————————————————-
The two Treehorn thugs, including Woo, have entered the Dude’s home.


You see what happens?  You see what happens, Lebowski?

The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses.

DUDE
Look, nobody calls me Lebowski.
You got the wrong guy.  I'm the Dude, man.

BLOND MAN
Your name is Lebowski.  Your wife is Bunny.

DUDE
Bunny?  Look, moron.

He holds up his hands.

DUDE
You see a wedding ring?  Does this place look like
I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up!

The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel.
He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it 
in the manner of a superstitious native.

BLOND MAN
The fuck is this?

The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a 
joint and lights it.

DUDE
Obviously you're not a golfer.

————————————————————————————
And now, the Dude is being led away from Lebowski Mansion by Brandt.

DUDE
You're Bunny?

BUNNY
I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.

Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter:

BRANDT
Ha-ha-ha-ha!  Wonderful woman.  Very free-spirited.
We're all very fond of her.

BUNNY
Brandt can't watch though.  Or he has to pay a hundred.

BRANDT
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  That's marvelous.

He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks
back over his SHOULDER:

DUDE
I'm just gonna find a cash machine.

———————————————————————–
At the bowling alley…

QUINTANA
I see you rolled your way into the semis.  Deos mio, man.
Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.

DUDE
Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man.

               Quintana looks at Walter.

QUINTANA
Let me tell you something, bendeco. You pull
any your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece 
out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and
stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger
til it goes "click".

DUDE
Jesus.

QUINTANA
You said it, man.  Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

               Jesus walks away.  Walter nods sadly.

WALTER
Eight-year-olds, Dude.

———————————————————————–
Maude shows Logjammin’ to The Dude.

DIETER
Hello.  Nein dizbatcher says zere
iss problem mit deine kable.

DUDE
Shit, I know that guy.  He's a nihilist.

MAUDE
And you recognize her, of course.

The girl answering the door is Bunny Lebowski.

BUNNY
The TV is in here.

DIETER
Ya, okay, I bring mein toolz.

BUNNY
This is my friend Shari.
She just came over to use the shower.

MAUDE (grimly)
The story is ludicrous.

DIETER
Mein nommen iss Karl.  Is hard to
verk in zese clozes--

Maude switches off the set.

MAUDE
Lord.  You can imagine where it goes
from here.

DUDE
He fixes the cable?

—————————————-
And last but not least, let’s let The Stranger take us home.

DUDE
Yeah man.  Well, you know, the Dude abides.

Gazing after him, The Stranger drawls, savoring the words:

THE STRANGER
The Dude abides.

He gives his head a shake of appreciation, 
then looks into the camera.

THE STRANGER
I don't know about you, but I take 
comfort in that.  It's good knowin' 
he's out there, the Dude, takin' her 
easy for all us sinners.  
Shoosh.  I sure hope he makes The finals.  
Welp, that about does her, wraps her all 
up.
Things seem to've worked out pretty good 
for the Dude'n Walter, and it was a purt 
good story, dontcha think?  Made me laugh 
to beat the band.




4 Comments

Filed under Humor, Movies

4 responses to “Through a Synthesizer, Darkly: Lebowski Scenes Using Voice Synthesizers

  1. Kelly

    Oh, man… I can NOT get enough of Brandt’s laugh! I’m going to laugh like that for the rest of the day. Thanks, John!

    • That was the pleasant surprise. I included that scene only because of Bunny’s blue dialogue (much like including the Jesus scene for Jesus’ dialogue). I never expected a robotic Brandt to steal the show.

  2. Yeah, that laugh is pretty fantastic. But listening to the robot utter the line “Yeah well, that’s just, ya know, like, your opinion, man” was the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.

  3. Pingback: Fun with IMDB Plot Keywords |

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