With this entry, I have reached another milestone at TDYLF. This time, it’s my 100th entry. That being the case, it’s time to roll out another edition of…
Since it’s December, and since I find holiday movies and specials to be fertile territory, today I’m featuring 100 Things I Love about Holiday Movies and TV Shows. Forgive my occasional foray into films that reference, but aren’t specifically about, the holidays. And yes, it’s “holiday” and not “Christmas”. Otherwise, how could I include Adam Sandler’s best work or the Kwanzaa Bot?
1. Alistair Sim as Ebeneezer Scrooge. And
2. George C. Scott as Ebeneezer Scrooge. And
3. Albert Finney as Ebeneezer Scrooge.
4. The Grinch doesn’t wear any pants.
5. You’ll shoot your eye out, you’ll shoot your eye out!
6. “We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye.”
7. The mice with reindeer antlers stapled to their heads in Scrooged
8. and Bill Murray’s idea of a Christmas special featuring Mary Lou Retton and the Solid Gold dancers in the same movie.
9. The Land of Misfit Toys
10. Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby singing together, or that…
11. White Christmas might be the only musical I’ve ever liked.
12. Will Ferrell in tights
14. Every time a bell rings, the most saccharine sweet line in film history is uttered
15. Professional wrestler Bill Goldberg playing an evil Santa in Santa’s Slay
16. Burl Ives looking like the snowman version of Colonel Sanders (yes, I am aware that Burl Ives also looked like that)
18. Lauren Graham’s very explicit instructions to Billy Bob Thornton in the department store changing room in Bad Santa
19. Finding out that there really is a Santa Claus in Miracle on 34th Street
20. The first five minutes of The Boondocks holiday special.
21. And the ending of that same special that features Huey’s production of The Adventures of Black Jesus
22. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, and Phil Hartman all in the same movie in Jingle All the Way
23. Tim Burton’s creepy, weird-ass Jack Skellington-infused vision of Christmas
24. This, from 1905:
25. Charlie Brown and the gang singing “Christmas Time is Here”
27. Hannukah Harry, as per Jon Lovitz
28. The Christmas Truce of 1914 as portrayed in Joyeux Noël
29. Macaulay Culkin’s rocket ship to stardom after Home Alone
30. The hilarious yet gross scene transition at the end of the “Be sure to drink your Ovaltine” scene in A Christmas Story (trust me, watch for it; you’ll never see that scene the same way again)
31. Ralphie as a deranged Easter bunny
32. “Fra-jee-lay. Must be Italian!“
33. “Ooooooooh Fuuuuuuudge”
(sorry for the A Christmas Story block on the list but it sort of had to be done)
34. “Snot, you roll over and let Uncle Clark rub your belly”
35. “Jack Frost” refers both to a Michael Keaton family film AND a horror in which a murderous snow man sexually assaults Shannon Elizabeth with his carrot nose
36. “Bert” and “Ernie” in It’s a Wonderful Life giving birth to some other characters named Bert and Ernie
37. Little Cindy Lou Who, who was no more than two. And
38. Boris Karloff giving life to the Grinch. Seriously. You find a better voice for The Grinch and I’ll give you a shiny nickel.
39. John Wayne as an allegorical Magi in 3 Godfathers
40. An ax-wielding zombie in a Santa suit in Paco Plaza’s Xmas Tale
41. Charles Foster Kane receiving one of film history’s most famous Christmas gifts- a sled
42. Bruce Willis/John McClane saving Christmas not once, but twice
43. “What’s your name, Bart…ner? Uh, little partner?”
44. Christmas with Ingmar Bergman
45. Zuzu’s petals
46. Christmas with John Huston in The Dead
47. Larry David coughing up a hair while wrestling with a Nativity scene Joseph
48. Santa Claus Conquering the Martians in 1964…
49. just five years after he defeated the devil in Mexico in 1959
50. And then in the 70’s, Chewbacca had to make it home to his whole family for “Life Day” in the Star Wars Holiday Special…
51. which existed in a world where Bea Arthur was a bartender in the Mos Eisley Cantina…
52. and Art Carney gave Chewbacca’s dad Itchy wookie porn, which was really a holograph of Diahann Carroll dancing around.
53. The “polar bear” around the 2 minute mark in this clip:
54. The status of “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” as the Official Song of Fat and/or Dumb Guys Dancing™
55. Charlie Brown’s tree
56. Frosty’s magic hat
57. Watching Dudley Moore and John Lithgow in an elementary school auditorium the day before Christmas break when I was 11 years old.
58. The pure perfection of Kermit the Frog as Bob Cratchett
59. Tinny Tim from the Futurama universe, who is pitch-perfect parody of Dickens’ original Tiny Tim character
60. Max, the Grinch’s dog.
61. Just like John McClane in the same decade, Ernest P. Worrell also saved Christmas
62. Emmett Otter’s Jug Band Christmas. I have no idea what the hell this is but with a name like that, it has to be 99.44% awesome.
63. Sorority girls being terrorized in Black Christmas
64. An old lady shooting through a window on her motorized wheelchair and…
65. a gremlin stuffed into a microwave in Gremlins, which was my all-time favorite movie for about two years. Then I turned ten.
66. Rocky fighting Ivan Drago on Christmas Day
67. Peter Jackson in a Santa suit stabbing Simon Pegg in the hand in Hot Fuzz
68. Gene Hackman/Popeye Doyle in a Santa suit for a bust
69. Elves. The IMDB Plot Summary:
A young woman discovers that she is the focus of an evil nazi experiment involving selective breeding and summoned elves, an attempt to create a race of supermen. She and two of her friends are trapped in a department store with an elf, and only Dan Haggerty, as the renegade loose-cannon Santa Claus, can save them.
Dan Haggerty is better known as Grizzly Adams.
70. Michael Corleone and Kay Adams Christmas window shopping on a snowy NYC street
71. Dan Akroyd wasted in a Santa suit in Trading Places
72. The leg lamp. And…
74. Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo. He loves me, I love you. Therefore vicariously, he loves you.
75. The original Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer short
76. Tarzan, Tonto, and Frankenstein
77. Or Tarzan, Frankenstein, and Chris Farley
78. The Capra-esque story in Millions
79. The Hallelujah chorus blaring as Clark Griswold’s lights turn on
80. The California Raisins Christmas Special. The fact that I remember that it existed means there’s a tiny portion of my brain that could be used for something worthwhile. But nooooooo…. I have to remember the California Raisins Christmas Special. All the same, enjoy this clip- my favorite Christmas song:
81. Christmas in the Ardennes in Band of Brothers
82. Homer Simpson gambling away his family’s Christmas money.
83. The sheer terror of the way that every single Ghost of Christmas Future looks
84. The collapsing Christmas bridge tragedy in The Mothman Prophecy
85. It’s Christmas in Heaven, Monty Python’s Meaning of Life
86. The white styrofoam reindeer in the 1959 version of Santa Claus
87. In fact, the whole plot of the 1959 version of Santa Claus
With the aid of Merlin, Santa Claus must defeat the evil machinations of the devil Pitch to ruin Xmas.
88. Dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay…
89. “Don’t buy anything. Don’t get anything. Nothing big. Didn’t you hear what I said? You’re going to get us all fuckin’ pinched, that’s why. What are you, stupid?” as a Motown version of “Frosty the Snowman” plays in Goodfellas
90. 3 Wise Men in The Life of Brian
91. Alexander plays with his new toy- a magic lantern- in Fanny and Alexander
92. Babe the Pig singing “Fa La La La La”
93. Ice sculptures in Edward Scissorhands
94. The Kid’s devotion to the advent calendar in Bad Santa
95. Hugging a raccoon in Elf
96. A Festivus for the rest of us and…
97. the Airing of Grievances and…
98. the Feats of Strength.
99. Hulk Hogan as Santa Claus in Santa With Muscles
100. Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past From the Future