Six Failed “Human Centipede” Product Endorsements

For those of you who don’t know what Human Centipede is, here’s the plot description from IMDB:

Two pretty but ditsy American girls are on a road trip through Europe. In Germany, they end up alone at night with a broken car in the woods. They search for help and find an isolated villa. The next day, they awaken to find themselves trapped in a terrifying makeshift basement hospital along with a Japanese man. An older German man identifies himself as a retired surgeon specialized in separating Siamese twins. However, his three “patients” are not about to be separated but joined together in a horrific operation. He plans to be the first person to connect people via their gastric systems. By doing so, he plans to bring to life his sick lifetime fantasy, the human centipede.

If that doesn’t do it for you, here’s a link to the trailer. Basically, it’s about an evil doctor who sews three people together, mouth-to-anus. I watched it earlier this week. And it got me to thinking about product endorsements. So I present to you “Six Failed Human Centipede Product Endorsements”:

1. The Human Centipede Children’s Action Figure

2. Human Centipede Bacon

3. Human Centipede Cereal
With Marshmallow centipedes! There’s an anus in every bite!

4. The Human Centipede… On Ice!
Coming soon to an arena near you.

5. Human Centipede Mud Flaps
Perfect for the gore hound truck owner on your Christmas shopping list.

6. Human Centipede Mouthwash
This actually isn’t a bad idea. Nothing makes me want to clean out my mouth more than the thought of having an anus sewn to it.

Bonus Seventh Item: Restaurant Placemat Maze


15 Comments

Filed under Humor, Movies

15 responses to “Six Failed “Human Centipede” Product Endorsements

  1. Martini

    Think they’re working on a video game yet?

  2. Haha these products are hilarious….I especially liked the cereal. I haven’t seen this movie yet, but from everything I’ve heard, I just might have to check it out.

  3. curtis

    How about a Human Centipede coloring book? That seems simple enough…think about it: a trip through the human digestive system. Educational!

  4. I suppose an anti acid is a bit on the nose…..pun intended.

  5. Kelly

    This was amusing. I like that you used the ‘Human Centipede cat toy’ in your photoshopping. I just about died when I first saw it on Regretsy. Keep up the great ideas!

  6. Just watched Human Centipede (First Sequence??) last night. If they make a sequel, (which they probably will), guess who won’t be seeing it?

    As usual, John, you churn out a very funny satirical poke at a film which is about as funny and satirical as having Hannibal Lecter over for dinner.

    • I have to cop to it- I actually enjoyed that movie. I guess I’d built it up in my mind sooooo much that it would be so disgusting that I managed to get past the shock factor and look at it on its’ merits as a horror. But I can’t say I fault anyone for disliking it.

  7. rtm

    Seriously dude, how could you even endure a movie like that??? I shudder just reading the description… and that one for the mouthwash, ewwwww…

    • Ha… I wrote that one a long time ago. I’m surprised you found it.

      Strange as it sounds, it wasn’t nearly as disturbing as it sounds. It was definitely disturbing, but there was so much room to make it so much worse.

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