Shortly after I started this blog, I received a really quick lesson about tags and keywords. One of my first entries was about Nazi zombie movies, and I’d referenced Dead Snow, a film that features a couple having sex while the guy is pooping. And so I added “Sex while pooping” to my list of post tags. About a week later, someone out there in the world searched for “pooping blogs” and found mine. It was, quite frankly, horrifying. This means that someone who is aroused by defecation was visiting my blog. I felt so… dirty. Since then, I’ve been (slightly) more careful about what I’ll use for keywords and tags. What else have people searched for to find my blog?
- a french movie where a woman cracks an egg (3 times)
Presumably the end of that statement is “in her butt cheeks”, clearly in reference to my Top 50 French Films list that mentions Godard’s Weekend. And yes, she cracks an egg in her butt cheeks in that movie.
- samurai boobs (4 times)
I honestly can’t imagine another instance of a samurai showing boobs other than the episode of Lone Wolf and Cub where it happens. And it must be a dirty little secret that it happens in there. Otherwise, people wouldn’t be finding my blog while searching it. After all, I only mentioned it once, and it was in stick figure form.
- Some variation of “Los Pollos Hermanos Breaking Bad” (71 times)
I get a ton of hits on this one. And a lot of them- maybe a third- seem to focus on whether or not the place is real. It’s not. And by the way, if you searched for my blog using “pollos breacking”, twice, or “chicken borthers “breaking bad”, once, you have poor grammar my friends. But thanks for reading.
- midgets boxing on boardwalk empire (2 times); boardwalk empire midget (1 time); boardwalk empire midget boxing (1 time)
Please think of me as THE source for all of your midget boxing needs, especially as they pertain to Boardwalk Empire.
- boardwalk empire french way (2 times); french sex boardwalk empire (1 time); “boardwalk empire” anal sex (1 time); boardwalk empire ivory tower blowjob (1 time)
What can I say? It was a funny, memorable scene.
- watch the french film the wild child (1 time)
This person was hoping to learn more about- and apparently watch- Truffaut’s Wild Child. Instead, they found a tongue-in-cheek critique comparing it to a Sinbad movie. Sorry, Searcher Guy. For what it’s worth, if you’re still reading, it was a fantastic film and I hope you wound up finding it.
- best tv pube moes tavern (1 time)
Sweet chocolate Jesus, I hope that was a typo in the search engine.
- ככלב אנדלוסי
If anyone can translate this, please do so for me. I’m going to assume that it’s Hebrew for “Admiral Awesome’s blog”.
- nazi zombie movies (7 times)
It’s a real genre, people. And Hollywood producers/studios/directors, if you’re reading, you should know that there’s an audience of at least 8 people (those 7 plus yours truly) who want more Nazi zombie movies.
- wetter than a mermaid’s twat (thankfully, only 1 time)
More from Boardwalk Empire. I feel sort of crass having that on there, but what the hell- again, it was a funny moment. It had to be mentioned.
For the record, the three biggest searches that bring people here are some variation of searches for the sliced eyeball in Un Chien Andalou, “Best French Films”, and Breaking Bad-related material. In fact, if you do a Google Image Search for “Un Chien Andalou”, my pic of the woman getting her eye sliced is the fourth one that pops up. Huzzah!