Flowchart: To Pee or Not to Pee? A Movie Theater Guide

TheaterPeeHeader copy

To pee, or not to pee? That is the question. Everyone who has ever gone to a movie knows this predicament- whether ’tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of painfully watching a movie when you have to relieve yourself, or to take arms against a sea of porcelain and miss a few minutes of a movie you’ve paid to see. To help you determine the best possible time to pee during a movie, I’ve created this flowchart.

As usual, click on the image for the full-resolution version.

MoviePeeingFlowchart


219 Comments

Filed under Humor, Movies

219 responses to “Flowchart: To Pee or Not to Pee? A Movie Theater Guide

  1. Ah ha! Sound advice. These should be handed out in the cinema foyer from now on!

  2. Your brilliance shines through again John. It’s hard for us mortals to fathom the depths of your talent! :D

  3. Reblogged this on aliceatwonderland and commented:
    The best flowchart ever. I am so glad I don’t have to think about this anymore.

  4. Reblogged this on Stork Hunting and commented:
    I thought I was an expert on all things pee related.

  5. Hysterical! I may have just peed myself!

  6. At the very least they should have this in the theater lobby.

  7. I just twinkle before I go in and not drink too much :-) Good Post.

    • After years of dealing with this conundrum, I’ve learned to drink veeeeerrrry sloooowly. I get a small and try to make it last the whole movie.

  8. Genius! This is why I am reluctant to buy beverages at the theater.

  9. I need to go to more movies with you – you are so smart. :)

  10. I’m proud to say I’ve never left a movie to pee. No matter how much pain I’ve ever been in.

  11. Haha, this is a very fun post! It’s funny how everyone shares the same silly thoughts and concerns.

    Cheers,
    Courtney Hosny

  12. Well, if it’s a really good movie, I figure, yeah, go pee. Because that gives you good reason to see the movie again some day. And going to movies is always fun. Now if it’s a really bad movie, or mundane, again I say, yeah, go pee then too. A good urination will probably only improve your mood, whilst foster the urge to go get another beverage, which is good. So pee away -either way you win. That’s my take.

    • Now there’s an interesting strategy. I like that- that if it’s great, then it’ll force you to see it again to see what you missed.

      When I saw Hot Fuzz a second time, there was a whole huge sequence where I found myself wondering, “Where was this in the film? Is this a director’s cut or something?” Of course, I’d missed it peeing the first time.

  13. Why isn’t this flowchart posted in screening rooms everywhere yet? :-D

  14. I want to have a copy of this every time I go to a movie! Thank you!!

  15. Invariably, I almost always have to pee at the movies. I try to gauge when the movie is likely to stay slow for a few minutes. It’s one of the many reasons I don’t like going to the theater to see movies much.

  16. Reblogged this on Urbannight's Blog and commented:
    A usefull tool.

  17. vandammetienne

    Reblogged this on design4youandme and commented:
    funny piece of advice

  18. Caz

    That’s brilliant! I always go before I head in to watch a film, can’t help it. Total routine now, even if I went before I left the house!

  19. Haha brilliant! God there’s nothing worse than sitting there wondering how much longer the film has to go before you can go! The mind games we play, “It’s fine, I don’t need to pee” I say to myself, and then it builds and builds until I’m more preoccupied with flexing my PC muscles and my expanding bladder that the plot of the movie!

    Very helpful stuff, thanks for sharing :)

    Rohan.

    • The final 20 to 30 minutes are the WORST. “Is it almost over? Is this it? What about now?” Then you start doing mental gymnastics in your head. “Ok, there’s only going to be two more scenes now, right?”

  20. Rae

    I love flowcharts, well done!

  21. love this, i can totally relate!

  22. Good post! I am following you now! My name is Carlos, if you ever want to know about Ocean Paddling follow us back. Regards!

  23. As silly as it sounds, I worry about peeing during the movie all the time. Hahaha
    I just go when it’s an uneventful scene and get my boyfriend to fill me in when I get back ;D haha

  24. And then, when the movie was almost over, and I was sure I could hold it, the main character went out to pee…

  25. It IS such a dilemma. You can drink adult beverages in many of our movie theaters, so that adds an additional layer of urgency/ decison-making…

    I pinned this on Pinterest :)

    • Thanks for pinning it!

      My personal booze-in-the-theater rule is that I’ll drink, but only if I’ve seen the movie before and am willing to miss a ton of it. Or… basically just give up. If there’s booze, just know going in that you’re gonna miss a lot.

  26. fantastic!!! if i had this when i saw “the hobbit” i wouldn’t have held it for so long lol. i agree with the above comment(s) that this should be handed out at theaters!

    • I was gonna say that! They should have handed them out during the first Lord of the Rings film and you could have saved the “collector’s item” for later.

      • Oh yeah… the LOTR movies were torture on bladders. I had to get up to pee during all three. I made it through The Hobbit… but I was ready to go once it was over.

  27. Dan

    For me, if the movie is longer than about 100 minutes, you could simplify this flowchart to a simple “yes”, especially if I get a soda. Great job on the flowchart!

    • That’s a GREAT point. That’s why 80-90 minute movies are so refreshing- because there’s not a chance you’ll have to worry about the dilemma.

  28. This is amazing. My golden rule: never pee on a first date, I know it might sound ridiculous at first, but think about it. It makes sense.

  29. I love this! My husband made me go see a Lord of the Rings movie three days before my due date. I thought I would die (I got up more than once to go pee). You could add “Are you pregnant?” to the flow chart.

  30. PS
    The “subscribe or the dog gets it” isn’t cool.

  31. As someone with a small bladder I like to use the classic Jeff Goldblum comment from Jurassic Park “when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKGXZ_pwHW8

  32. hilarious – i swear that same debate go on in my brain ;;

  33. dreamsburnred

    I’ve sadly had to get up during a movie. It’s very embarrassing.

  34. Reblogged this on My story to you.. and commented:
    ROFLMAO

  35. Going to the movie theatres will never be the same again lol :D

  36. Reblogged this on Angeli Alva and commented:
    I don’t know if this flowchart is serious or not, but it is a growing issue among the people of the world. It must be solved!

  37. HILARIOUS! lol thanks for posting. Im def printing this

  38. KOKAY

    Alas, this flowchart would have been a life saver. I actually missed a climax scene of the last Batman movie because I had to go! I was devastated when I came back to my seat! -__-

  39. lol…i go through similar analogies in my head …hahaha

  40. Oh, I like this – many a true word spoken in jest…! I am going to copy the flow chart and put it up at work. Tony

  41. Very clever. I never thought of making a flowchart just to answer the pee question. I usually just hold it in and wait until the movie ends or pee before it starts. Makes my moviegoing experience a bit more interesting. Good job!

    • I forget the exact movie that was the breaking point, but at some point I realized that I’d enjoy the rest of some movie (probably a LOTR movie) sooooo much more if I was comfortable, even if I had to miss a few minutes of it.

  42. Barbara Backer-Gray

    Oh good-looked Depp,
    Oh Depp with hair so black,
    Oh Depp, whichever art except when thou art not.
    But alack, alack!
    What see I? No Johnny do I see!
    Oh vile moviegoer, that slides between Depp’s eyes and mine,
    Cursed be thy need for thus distracting me!
    Mine eye, in fine frenzie rolling,
    Doth glance from screen to thee and from thee to screen,
    Mine blood in wild fury boiling.
    If thou must pee,
    The preview is thine cue.
    Get thee to a lavatory,
    But go thee straightway ere the movie starts,
    Do what thou must do,
    And play thy tinkling part.
    Then take thy place with gracious grace,
    If thou wouldst escape my serpent’s tongue,
    That I may see Depp’s voice and hear his beauteous face,
    The entire blessed movie long.

    Your title got me going! A fun post.

  43. Very funny – I like the flowchart. Of course, this is a vey real issue, as we’ve all been really into a move, with the best parts coming up, holding in a stomach-churning bladder full of pee. In Israel, they actually stop the movies in the middle so that people can run to the bathrooms. I remember seeing “Independence Day” and “Titanic” there. You learn to deal with and appreciate the breaks coming in the middle of the movie when all you want to do is relieve yourself of a pre-movie beer or liter of water.

    • You drink beer before a movie? Maybe I need to move out of a dry county.

      • I didn’t see Titanic in the theater but it’s sooooo long, I can only imagine the need arising.

        Molly, I live in St. Louis and there are… well, at least a few theaters where you can buy beers (or hard alcohol in some cases). It’s almost dangerous because on one hand, I’d love to have a drink. But on the other hand, I know I’d end up getting up and down during the movie to either get more beer or go to the restroom.

        • Plus, as the man, you probably have to drive after that movie too. haha
          When I drink, once I go for the first time the barrier is broken. I can’t imagine having to pee every 5 minutes during a movie. That would suck.

  44. EVERY TIME I GO TO THE CINEMAS! Haha! I usually try to not go, and just wait till it’s over. But by then, I feel like I should be getting an ambulance to help me move out of my seat, because any second, who knows if an accident will occur.

  45. Or is your coke finished? Love the post :)

  46. This is now the background of my fiance’s laptop, a man famed for his itty-bitty bladder capacity. I hope he likes it.

  47. ettis

    Moviegoer spotted. Anxious looks and hesitant ascent. I stop lounging and let go of one of the armrests. By me is a spot, but it’s never taken. I’m pretty good with the double lifting knee, too. With matinee views, it’s too early to have the tank dispensed.

  48. Pingback: Cursed Be Thy Need! | Resident Alien — Being Dutch in America

  49. Reblogged this on The Debut and commented:
    funny

  50. A simple info-graphic that details of everyone’s problem, I’m a big fan of flowcharts, I enjoyed finding all the paths that takes to the right place at right time

  51. ankitsharma88

    Lucky in India they have an Intermission of 20 mins for each movie! Intermission has become a regular part of each feature films shown be it local or Hollywood!

    But an amazing flowchart never the less! Should be distributed as a pamphlet before the show starts

    Cheers!

  52. I think I’m going to make a laminated version of your chart.

  53. Haha, u so adroitly cock a snook at all the fancy-pants holier-than-thou infographics everywhere! Well done!

    • Heh… thanks. One of my favorite things I do here is infographics. And I do my best to find something absurd to put on them, even if it’s only half the time.

  54. Haha, Awesome flowchart! Cinemas should post this asap! :=)

  55. Ben

    very impressive, very interesting, very funny, still nature can call at very unintentional and inappropriate times lol :D

  56. Why isn’t there a loo at the end of the room where you could pee and continue to watch the movie?

  57. ROFL! A flow chart…I’ve seen it all now hahahahahaha!

  58. Sarpal

    Reblogged this on Epitome of Life and commented:
    Really a cool chart to follow in theater

  59. Large posters of this, along side “New Releases”, with spot lighting please, in the foyer of all movie theatres!

  60. Pingback: Pee in movie theater ??? | Epitome of Life

  61. Just reading the words pee and flow make me feel the need to go. Very funny stuff.

  62. Hilarious! I have the smallest bladder ever. I always face this dilemma at the movies! Thanks for the handy ‘flow’ chart!

  63. Nothing better than a “flow” chart on peeing. I dehydrate myself for a day before seeing any movie longer than 90 minutes.

  64. How about requiring all movies to show a small icon of a toilet at the times where it’s most likely safe to go pee?
    OR, let’s bring back the good old intermission? Near my home town outside of Chicago there used to be an old theater that would have intermission (this was around 2002!) and serve home-made cakes in the lobby. Plus it was a good chance for people to buy more drinks or snacks- therefor making a little extra money – maybe theaters should do this now – they could get extra money and guests would have more comfort & therefor maybe be more comfortable at that theater!

  65. Reblogged this on The Sexy Politico and commented:
    I know this isn’t really political per-say, I just find this amusing.

  66. This is brilliant ha ha! I’m sick and tired of the ‘fill me in, fill me in!’ my sister whispers frantically in my ear when she comes back from the loo. She’s never impressed when I tell her she’s missed the part where the male lead takes his clothes off.

  67. Reblogged this on BRB; In Narnia. and commented:
    If only this was made available to everyone at the cinema door.

  68. Val

    What about when to go for an icecream or popcorn?

  69. madaughter

    There is now an app for this. I suspect your comments will be mostly women, right?

  70. This flow chart must be placed next to the ‘You Are Here’ diagram :)
    Sharing it on Twitter, congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

  71. Great post! Funny, but true… :P Will share it!

  72. Pingback: A Laugh and Links: Openings, Impossible, Arnold, Sugar Man, Violence, Go Pee

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  74. This is why I never buy the half-gallon soda. And they don’t come in any other size.

  75. Reblogged this on Paparazzi and commented:
    My thought process exactly.

  76. hahaha great chart! Everyone in every city goes through that.

  77. Just go before will solve all your problems

  78. Reblogged this on jaylarae's Blog and commented:
    Hahaha!

  79. Haha, this is why I never ever buy the Pepsi they offer xD
    There should be a question: “Is the movie boring?”

  80. G

    Hee hEe… :)))) Amazing. Someone can think of this too… with a flowchart… wow… hehehehhehehhe.. too gooodddd… I Supah likey…!!!

  81. My son bring an empty bottle of mineral water :)

  82. melissamwolff

    This is a great post. I never know if I have time to pee or not. This is really funny and yet at the same time, informative. This is something people could really use.

  83. Reblogged this on awallsblog and commented:
    Critical Life Lessons

  84. Reblogged this on Thoughts.Enlightenment.Solace and commented:
    interesting! maybe i should try it next time.

  85. If I am watching catching fire at the end of this year, I would hold my pee until i die. I can’t afford to miss one bit of it! XD

  86. Hahaha, this is brilliant! Love the flowchart!

  87. Reblogged this on sheckyblog and commented:
    Sound advice!

  88. Reblogged this on Inane Utterances and commented:
    Anything to make such decisions easier…

  89. Reblogged this on My Mind-Grapes and commented:
    Very useful tool for amateur moviegoers. There should be one for when it’s okay to talk at a movie theater (NEVER!!)

  90. Really great chart. It is a true dilemma, to pee or not to pee. For me it just depends on the length of the movie and what I am seeing. No large beverages before I go in as well.

    • 3 hour movies are almost impossible to make it through, at least without some planning in advance (not drinking anything for a few hours prior).

  91. Pee beforehand and avoid Relentless. Great chart though.

  92. Reblogged this on youngemt95's Blog and commented:
    This Flow Chart should be posted throughout movie theaters. People should especially think twice about crossing in front of other people.

  93. Far more practical that my mothers advice “you should have gone earlier”

  94. Reblogged this on bongoit and commented:
    ah to pee or not to pee that is no longer a question but a handy flow chart

  95. Flow being the operative word!

  96. This is class! This should be a mandatory hand-out for anyone buying one of those colossal sodas or soft drinks in the cinema foyer!!

    • I don’t know how people manage drinking those giant sodas. It seems like a gallon.

      • Garry Armstrong

        Time for another flashback to yesteryear: Remember when you could drink a huge drink, a hot dog, another drink, jujy-fruits, pop corn, another drink, more popcorn, another drink — all the while sitting through the double feature, cartoons, coming attractions, chapter whatever of the serial, news reel and then hit the bathroom before coming back for more. Now, I think you need a personal remote to hit “pause” about 45 minutes into the one feature.

  97. Pingback: Flowchart: To Pee or Not to Pee? A Movie Theater Guide « The Non Southern Southern Belle

  98. The floor is already sticky….

  99. Made me chuckle, glad you cleared up peeing etiquette

  100. Reblogged this on Mental Aspect! and commented:
    confusion is now over :)

  101. Reblogged this on Serendipity and commented:
    At last, someone addressing a real issue!

  102. Reblogged this on Early Riser and commented:
    Yeah, movie houses locate their pee room outside. It’s really a misery especially if you are watching Les Misarables and you are set to go.

  103. the should make a Movie Trailer of this in 3d! and show it before the movie starts.

  104. Awesome! This should be hanging on the inside of toilet-cabin-doors in movie theaters instead of advertising for vaginal mycosis- meadication (Ewwwww!!!!) I’m not joking, I really saw that a while ago. So gross!

  105. I’m about to go to the movies and considering printing a copy!!

  106. congratulations on featured in Freshly pressed.

  107. albeindc

    This is hilarious yet useful … bravo!

  108. How did we ever become a civilized society without this flowchart?

  109. totallyunrelatedstuff

    When I was younger I was too stressed to go to the toilet in the movie theatre. I was just scared that I won’t find my sit when I return, because of the dark and so many people. Nowadays, when auditoriums in the cinemas are almost empty I don’t have that problem anymore. :)

  110. I’m glad someone thinks like me!

  111. Hahaha. that’s funny and so right..

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