Ten Fictional TV Businesses that I Wish Were Real

Presented in no particular order…

1. Shitty Wok, South Park

Why yes, generic Chinese restaurant guy stereotype. As a matter of fact, I would like to try the Shitty Chicken.

2. Satriale’s, The Sopranos

Knowing what we all know about what went on in that place, I’m not sure I could enjoy a sandwich in there. I really don’t want my capicola being sliced on the same slicer that was used to hack up hundreds of corpses. But the ambiance alone would make it a worthwhile trip.

3. Cheers

I am aware that “Cheers” does in fact exist as a crappy Applebee’s-style chain found in a bunch of airports. No thank you. I want the real deal. Half the characters on that show shaped who I am today, which is sort of pathetic when you think about it. Nevertheless, it leaves me nostalgic for a neighborhood pub with all of those archetypes.

4. The Diner, Seinfeld

The food didn’t ever look particularly good. The ambiance was standard diner fare. But think of the highjinx that you’d get to see in that place.

5. The Boar’s Nest, Dukes of Hazard

If nothing else, you could sit in there, drink beer, and watch Daisy Duke’s hot ass all day. But you’d also have the sheriff with the speech impediment, his awesome dog, the proprietor named after Jefferson Davis (and a last name of Hogg, no less, which guarantees that the food will be good), and undoubtedly the best TV grits this side of Mel’s Diner.

6. Los Pollos Hermanos, Breaking Bad

Que bueno, indeed!

Que bueno, indeed! “They became known as ‘The Chicken Brothers’”. I’m sold. It looks like some badass version of KFC, with far more spice in the food. And besides, you want to stay on Gus Fring’s good side.

7. The dry cleaners in The Jeffersons

When I was a wee lad, I thought adulthood meant coming home from a stressful day of dry cleaning, yelling some smartass remarks at the maid, peppering your language with the word “honky”, walking around with a strut, and pouring yourself a scotch out of a fine crystal carafe. I’ve sort of missed the mark. All the same, I’m all for flipping some business in George Jefferson’s direction.

8. Moe’s Tavern, The Simpsons

In all honesty, I live this life now without needing yellow patrons, a gargoyle bartender, and the stench of vomit and view of spiderwebs. You can’t tell me that a night at Moe’s wouldn’t be a blast. You just can’t.

9. Sanford and Son

Oh, the wonders you could find in that horrible junkyard. Just go, you big dummy!

10. Any bar on Mad Men

They’re the personification of Rat Pack Cool. I don’t think I’d dress well enough to hang in those places but I’d respect the hell out of any of the patrons. It’s a guaranteed appletini-free zone.

51 Comments

Filed under Humor, TV Shows

51 responses to “Ten Fictional TV Businesses that I Wish Were Real

  1. Arif

    How about Barth’s Cafeteria from “You Can’t Do That On Television”?

  2. I’d definitely go to Fisher & Sons for my undertaking needs.

  3. Megan

    Merlotte’s. Fried food, potential vampires, life would be good. And seconded on the Fisher & Sons.

  4. Matt

    Well Cheers does exist…it’s the Bull and Finch pub on Beacon St in Boston. So does Seinfeld’s diner…it is Tom’s Diner (also of Susan Vega fame)

    • morgan

      It’s actually Tom’s Resturant; the entire sign can be seen in the early espisodes. It is the same pace as Vega’s sonfg, tho.

  5. Sana

    What about all the following:

    Lukes from Gilmore Girls
    Central Perk from Friends
    McClarens (?) How I met your mother
    the coffee shop from Frasier
    Doc Magoos from Emergency Room

    • Dana

      i totaly agree,
      i was expecting to see them on the list, more so then moe’s tavren
      (even though the simpsons is one of my fav shows!)

  6. Justin

    Clerks and Clerks II??

    and what about Dunder-Mifflin??????????????

    they would be my exclusive paper provider

  7. larue2121

    Fisher & Sons is a definite honorable mention. I only excluded it because by the very nature of using it, it would mean someone I knew had died.

  8. heyzeus

    I wish Lionel Hutz’s “I Can’t Believe It’s a Law Firm” really existed in my neighborhood mall.

  9. larue2121

    If nothing else, I’d want one of those smoking monkeys.

  10. shankloc

    City Wok AKA “Shitty Wok” is a real place. There’s one down the street from Universal Studios. There are pictures of the owner up on the wall. Yes, he pretty much sounds like that, and yes, they serve up their world famous City Chicken and City Beef!

  11. Kelisha888

    Fisher and sons have the job. Cafe Nervosa from Frasier. Rob Petrie’s office would have been a cool place to work. The Pie Hole sounds wonderful. I’d only accept a limited term temporary job at Gizmonics Institute. Drinks and latinum at Quark’s Bar. Would be interesting to be in development at Acme. Would avoid Pennsylvania altogether rather than go to Paddy’s Pub. And no Crab Shack at my age.

  12. Libbyluwho

    I second on Merlotte’s, most definitely, and I’d even say Fangtasia might be interesting. What about the Bronze from Buffy? That place would have some serious shenanigans going down on a nightly basis!

  13. Lee

    How bout Blue Moon Investigations from Moonlighting. That would be the greatest place to work ever!

  14. larue2121

    Paddy’s Pub! How did I miss that one? Merlotte’s is definitely an honorable mention. Sam Merlotte is a heck of a bar owner. And yes, Rob Petrie’s office is a good nomination. Who wouldn’t want to work with a guy based on Mel Brooks?

  15. Martini

    What about “Twin Peaks” “Double R Diner”:

    “Diane, there’s a place in Twin Peaks that you simply must try. This is where pies go when they die. Damn fine coffee”

  16. Brotha J

    Call me Old School, but I want to hang at the Regal Beagle from 3′s company, sporting a fly baby blue Leisure Suit. If not, you can find me at the Gem from Deadwood

  17. Michael R

    I’m surprised that nobody’s suggested our all-time favourite cantina, or “wretched hive of scum and villany” at Mos Eisely spaceport!

  18. Dude

    Jack Rabbit Slims. I would totally participate in the twist contest, and grab Monroe’s ass.

  19. larue2121

    Especially if Bea Arthur is behind the bar.

  20. gates

    What about Bluth’s Frozen Banana stand from Arrested Development? There’s always money in the banana stand.

  21. Loomy

    How about the Monticeto from Vegas. Everyone won or got comped and the women were way hotter than any place in the actual Vegas. Plus Jimmy Caan for reals yo.

  22. Steve

    Being in the advertising business, I always wanted to work at McMann & Tate from Bewitched. A real old time ad agency where EVERYBODY did EVERYTHING!!!

  23. Uddhav

    Wonderful list, You did not add ‘Central Perk’ to the list. Also McClarens from HIMYM, though its a real pub, you could visit it sometime.

  24. laural

    The ‘Pie Hole’ from Pushing Daisies! That place was awesome inside and out. Plus who doesnt like pie?

  25. kilbey

    The Brick
    from
    Northern Exposure

  26. fullwirespeed

    Unpainted Arizona, for the finest selection in fixtures and appointments for your bathroom, bedroom, beaudoir! Or in keeping with the happy hour dominated theme, The Drunken Clam.

  27. iamcart

    would you be man enough to fly Oceanic if it were real?!?!?! I would, in hopes i would crash on that island and be able to stab jack in the face.

  28. Martini

    I’d love to go to the Slurm factory from “Futurama” and party with “Slurms McKenzie”.. Wibbidy Wob Woz WOoozle!

    • larue2121

      If there was a real multi-purpose powder made of ground-up Fox executives, like Torgo’s Executive Powder, I would definitely use it.

  29. Noz4atu

    I know if I were in legal trouble, Wolfram and Hart from Angel would be my first stop….

  30. Actually, the bar which Cheers was based around is called The Bull And Finch. You should stop for a drink, if you ever get to Boston. ;-)

  31. John

    I want to get my provisions at the Olson Mercantile

    • Michael

      That damn Nellie Olson used to piss me off something fierce when she’d eat the store candy in front of the Ingalls kids. Imagine finding a golden ticket and wiping your ass with it right in front of Charlie bucket.

  32. larue2121

    Ach, two I can’t believe I missed- the bookstore in “Black Books” and Fantasy Bazaar, the comic book shop in “Spaced”. Bilbo Bagshot was the live-action Comic Book Guy. I guess what I’m saying is that I’d frequent any place that would hire Bill Bailey.

  33. George Schmidt

    RE: And yes, Rob Petrie’s office is a good nomination. Who wouldn’t want to work with a guy based on Mel Brooks?
    Actually Reiner based it on working as a writer/performer on Sid Caesar’s comedy/variety shows in the ’50s where he & Brooks met & performed as well.

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    • Dude

      #95! Nicely done sir, but you are getting smeared by Ronnie Dio, Travolta & Preston and a bunch of crap I can’t read…

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